When in times of trouble, Gritty comes to me, speaking words of wisdom - Trump’s pants are peed.

It’s been another week of abject hell in politics, but this time the chips are falling in the Dems’ favor. Turns out Florida and Georgia haven’t even counted all their ballots (Broward County, who would’ve thought? Oh, right…). In the GA race, Kemp just straight-up tried to hide 30,000 ballots - and his office lied about how many uncounted ballots there were. And provisional votes are still screwed up (a judge has ordered a recount of all provisional ballots). Abrams is damn close to triggering a general recount.

The GA race was filthy. People were queueing for hours to vote; turns out thousands of voting machines were left in their packaging in a warehouse, instead of being brought out to polling places which had a shortage. Gee, wonder why that is; Kemp’s a good boy, isn’t he?

In Florida, my guy Gillum un-conceded (it’s informal, but Rs are screeching “no takesies-backsies!”) and is in close contention (or at least could force a recount). Marco Rubio (who eats with his ass and shits out his mouth) has claimed Democrats are trying to “steal the election” by counting votes; in other words, they’re being deliberately disingenuous. Fuck these people.

The Kremlin’s own Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) is out; Dems have picked up a few House races previously called for Dems. FiveThirtyEight forecasts the uncalled races as going predominantly to Dems for a net gain of 38 seats; the situation is ameliorating from election night.

The South Carolina races were crooked as fuck. Dems picked up 51% of all ballots cast in the House races, and somehow walked away with only three seats out of thirteen. Or, as the conservatives say, “it’s a republic, not a democracy,” because quoting the morons in charge seems to these CHUDs to be more logical than reiterating a basic commitment to fair elections - y’know, the fucking basics in a democracy.

Quite impressively, down-ballot races in Texas went solidly blue. Every Republican judge (59 in all) was unseated in the last race, thanks to slate voting options. The Beto hype was real; Texas could go purple in 2020. The future is now!

In other news, Clinton has emerged from her compound, her army of yes-men flunkies in trail, whispering sweet nothings that Ohio will be hers in 2020. If she is nominated in 2020 the Democrats deserve to lose. Please tell me we don’t live in Hell.

In still other news, former Trump flunky Michael Cohen was in DC this week, under some strange circumstances. The Mueller probe has been roused from its electoral slumber; Jerome Corsi is due to be indicted for perjury. Corsi is an OG birther-conspiracy-theorist, the former Info Wars bureau chief in DC, and referred to fucking Martin Luther King as a “shakedown artist.” It’s known that Cohen is cooperating with the probe; these events are probably connected.
In Trump news, he managed to confuse the Baltics with the Balkans and accused some very confused heads of state of starting the Yugoslav wars. Fucking nitwit. He hasn’t tweeted about the Caravan since the election since - get this - rhetoric about a nebulous, specious foreign threat is used by Trump to stoke voter turnout among racists. Troops have been stationed in Texas at the border to intercept the Caravan; they have no power, no hot meals, are sleeping in tent cities, and will miss Thanksgiving (which has made many a neolib indignant - I for one love celebrating genocide). Too bad the Caravan is going to California, you moron. Trump’s also awarded the medal of freedom to the wife of one of his biggest donors, because, y’know, the concept of moral commitment is alien to this administration.

Trump’s cocooned himself in sorrow, bunking off Veteran’s Day commitments to eat cheeseburgers, watch TV, and sob about the walls closing in. Only a month and a half until his tax returns come out…

Lastly, Congress. Pelosi is in contention for Speaker of the House, and has already declared her willingness to “reach across the aisle” to Republicans. Wall. Fucking turncoat neolibs. Funny how McConnell mirrors this sentiment (obstructionist extraordinaire); all of a sudden, when he’s out of power, he turns around with a rotten olive branch, and in the same op-ed begs the Dems not to investigate Trump. Funny how he got $3.5M in campaign donations from a Russian oligarch-linked firm. Finally - rumor has it that McConnell met Murdoch after-hours in DC. Fox News hasn’t tweeted since November 6th; they’re supporting CNN’s lawsuit against the White House over the treatment of Jim Acosta. Looks like support among the establishment is withering from Trump; he’s tossed overboard like any other bet suddenly turned sour.

Tune in next week for up-to-date coverage of the apocalypse. Hail Beelzebub!