Horoscopes 09/10/2020

What do the stars have in store for us this week?

by NegaFelix
on 17 October 2020

in Issue 1750

What do the stars have in store for us this week?

ARIES: This week Piers Corbyn attempts to assasinate Alice Gast in order to “keep the number of G’s in Britain below 5”.

TAURUS: This week you put your foot in your mouth and end up ruining the yoga social.

GEMINI: This week how about you try not ﬁnishing the bottle?

CANCER: This week a friend will introduce you to an exciting business opportunity that will only end up costing your dignity, lust for life and £16000.

LEO: This week a thin slice of onion will come in handy when you lose your favourite bookmark.

VIRGO: This week you misunderstand Sainsburys’ online pricing and end up ordering not only a single grain of rice but 6kg of apples.

LIBRA: This week three small hoodlums break into your house and steal your favourite trenchcoat.

SCORPIO: This week you keep getting adverts for Imperial Pro. It costs £9250 to unlock the full feature package.

SAGITTARIUS: This week your ﬂatmate takes a liberal interpretation of “Bay windows” by ﬂooding your living room.

CAPRICORN: This week the Breakout spaces on campus take on a new meaning.

AQUARIUS: This week you offset your carbon footprint by walking on your hands.

PISCES: This week you have to tell your car-loving family that you are bike-curious.

Imperial steams forward with ‘horse sh*t’ UN mural

‘It‘s sh*t,’ say students, as College President Hugh Brady claims ‘enthusiastic’ support

Calls for new Imperial logo to be replaced as petition exceeds 2,700 signatures

College says it will “take any opportunity to hear what people think, to listen, and to answer questions.”

Imperial back to winning ways on University Challenge

Felix spoke to Imperial’s University Challenge team after its 285-145 demolition of Balliol College, Oxford.

ICU Elections: Student disillusion casts pall over Union President race

Over 40% of voters opted for candidates with no manifesto promises.

Union Council to vote on Imperial logo next week

Motion calls for Imperial to seek more feedback on new logo before continuing rollout.

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