The Saints are Down
In Felix 1071 I wrote an article about the presence of the London Church of Christ on campus. Apparently they weren’t very happy about the way I portrayed them. They also filed a complaint against the BBC saying that a recent program had defamed it. The complaint was not upheld. But why do cults target Imperial College? Tacky as it may seem it may have a lot to do with the 3:1 male to female ratio. Beer is expensive in Kensington and with precious few females around the boys from IC, especially those away from home and under pressure from our notoriously hard courses become susceptible to the techniques used by the mind control cults.
It would appear that, once again, Imperial College has been targeted by a cult. The Foundation for Human Understanding has recently approached students on Campus. Armed with the Cult’s prospectus the Chaplaincy contacted a specialist organisation for advice on how best to deal with the situation.
The A4 pamphlet handed out by the FHU reads more like a Sunday Supplement advert than a manifesto on faith. The first page boldly poses the question "Roman Catholicism - just another Cult" and cites the example of the Right Reverend Roderick Wright. It goes on to ask "Does not the deceit of these religious hypocrites again question the possibility of a greater two thousand year long hoax". It continues in the same vein before switching to the artificial nature of celibacy, stating the ‘gift’ of copulation.
Pretty tame stuff so far. However a box on the front page warns
"the Foundation for Human Understanding teaches an observation exercise which permits you to become objective towards your problem and allows your heartaches, bad habits, fears and anxieties, to become completely eliminated from your life without effort on your part. Until you commit this practice to your daily life some of what you read on the following pages may be shocking or upsetting to you. But if you will read calmly and with open mind, you may discover the key to the peace of mind for which you have been searching all your life."
It might as well say that it also helps you lose weight FAST, gets you ripped by Christmas and shows you how to bring a woman to orgasm every time and have her ache for more.
More gems in this surprisingly funny publication include the wonderfully informative "Understanding Sexuality". In this YOU can discover the reasons why:-
o Women are attracted to abusive men
o Men use sex to degrade women
o People become homosexuals
o The reasons for marital infidelity
o Men and women change roles
o Men feel guilty after sex
With great trepidation I turned the page and read through the rest of the brochure. The champion of the FHU, Roy Masters gives a lengthy dissertation on the conjuncture between Science and Religion. He points out the similarity between not being able to travel faster than the speed of light and flesh and blood not being able to enter the Kingdom of God. The "incomparably articulate" Masters article is randomly interspersed with adverts for Christianity today which urges you to purchase this "unique application of biblical Christianity to present day conditions" for a paltry Ł7 a month or the special price of Ł55 for one year.
In a move which is sure to make die hard scientists slap their forehead with a Homer Simpson like "Doh" our Roy EXCLUSIVELY reveals the existence of the smallest particle in the Universe: the orgitron. Unfortunately for scientists, they will never be able to see it because "it is unlikely that any electron microscope will ever be able to see it because it is so tiny as to be virtually undetectable; in fact it is so tiny, it practically doesn’t exist at all." He also shows how "matter is simply pressurised ‘crystallised’ pre-time force flowing now in what has become a river of time".
