Twilight is upon us all
A fierce debate has suddenly sprung up over the danger of Easter egg packaging to small furry animals, notably gerbils. It is believed that these seemingly innocuous and brightly coloured boxes are responsible for a bizarre epidemic of deaths amongst small mammals, especially gerbils.
Nazis
A recent series of experiments performed by former Nazi war criminal Herr Evell, has uncovered a strange defect in the way the decorative packaging is perceived through the visual cortex of the smaller variant of furred mammals, particularly gerbils. It is suspected that the bright colours combined with the curved dimensions of eggs creates a form of hallucinogenic cross-circuit within the brains of our more diminuative relatives, making them seemingly believe that they are eggs and roll around motionless, pausing occasionally only to explode as a reinactment of the hatching process.
Dead kids
This has lead to growing fears, especially from concerned parents, that the boxes might bridge the species gap and have an adverse effect on children who don’t know any better. Given that in many cases chocolate Easter eggs are targeted at the younger consumer has lead to allegations that the confectionery industry are involved in some global mind-control project and it is only sheer luck that the conspiracy was discovered.
Hypocritical commercialists
Pet shop owners are stunned at the potential loss of life but when it was pointed out that many parents whose small furry pets were inflicted would have to replace the said pet in order to keep little Johnny happy, several pet shops have been reported to have started stocking Easter eggs themselves.
Danger scale
Given these appaling revelations we at Felix, in the true interest of community spirit and self-sacrifice, have taken it upon ourselves to be guinea pigs and bravely face the unknown by testing the treat level of the various Easter eggs currently available on the market.
Rolo (NestlÚ) ú2.99
Extra - 2 rolls of Rolo
"...Cocoa solids don’t really come out - dry - boring... "
"What you see is what you get"
Small Mammal Threat - Large brightly coloured egg counteracted by very dull brown box.
Barbie (Kinnerton) ú3.49
Extra - Mug plus three small eggs
"...Plastic mug, quite small, not good china quality - cut-out doorhanger..."
"Nasty, very nasty taste"
SMT - Highly dangerous amounts of pink combined with multiple pink eggs, a real danger area1
Darkness (Cadbury’s) ú3.35
Extra - Chocolates
"...Black Magic lite..."
"...The packaging was crap... - ...the packaging was brilliant..."
SMT -Black box removes much of threat but firework displays could prove potentially dangerous if exposure time is long.
Star Wars (Kinnerton) ú1.49
Extra - Star Wars shaped jellies
"...Darth Vader packaging but hard to open without damaging..."
"...Fantastic R2D2, Millennium Falcon and Vader jellies..."
SMT - Very low due to primarily black box which has less threatening shape.
Guylian ú4.99
Extras - Pack of Guylian chocolates
"...Gold, gold, gold... - ...Look at the size of that baby!..."
"...They’re not shells, they’re chocolate..."
SMT - Boring monochrome box but shell shapes could create confusion.
Creme Egg (Cadbury’s) ú2.89
Extra - 2 creme eggs
"...Nice little birdie on the front..."
"Creme eggs - They’re nasty, they’re horrid, they make me vomit"
SMT - Brightly coloured eggs combined with hundreds of chicks on box makes this a very dangerous box.
Black Magic (NestlÚ) ú3.99
Extra - Black Magic chocolates
"...Perhaps appeals to your sort of female executive type..."
"...I could eat that all day..."
SMT - Low potential threat thanks to very black box.
Wallace and Gromit ú4.99
Extras - Mug and teacup
"...Proper china mug and teacup - good value..."
"...Multi-purpose doorhanger to cut out on box..."
SMT - Close call this but picture of dog is likely to generate too much fear.
Twilight (Terry’s) ú2.99
Extras - Twilight mint-chocolates
"...The perfect Easter egg..."
SMT - Although potentially boring box the gold colouring could affect some rodents.
Thus the message is clear, the best tasting eggs also seem to be the safest for our furry friends
