IC football secure spiritual victory

The scoreline of this game is (once more) a poor reflection of the true game. Our lads, clearly the superior side were beset by horrific setbacks throughout the match. Slough kicked off and soon brought the ball to our end of the pitch. There they proceeded to kick it between the posts. Staggeringly, the referee declared this a goal, just the first of many similar injustices that took place all through the game. Then, no sooner had the game resumed, than a Slough player tackled Ed "regularly gets drugged out of his head" and took the ball from him. This was very mean since Ed was clearly still playing with the ball at the time. Yet the referee stoutly refused to blow his whistle. The rest of the match continued in this vein. Despite playing far better football, Slough repeatedly confounded us with such unsporting tricks as kicking the ball to another of their players when we tried to tackle them.

Our best chance came late in the second half when Stan "takes as many drugs as he can" cleverly threatened to scream until he wet himself unless we were allowed a shot at goal. The slough defenders stepped aside, leaving top striker Doug "does lots of drug(s)" a fantastic chance to salvage something. Unfortunately after last week’s match, Doug went to the "seven days, one drum beat, no discernable tune" party at popular rave venue the Sewer. In attempting to kick the ball, he lost balance and collapsed. Witnesses report that he was asleep before he hit the ground.

All in all an unsatisfactory result but definitely not our fault, honest.

IC I 0 - 34 Slough College for the Physically Impaired