Anyone up for a Snog? It’s juicy, saucy... it’s yoghurt.

Frozen yoghurt is a tasty cold treat, and London has caught the cold. It’s going round. If it was a warmer foodstuff they’d say it was spreading like wildfire. Instead, it’s spreading more like the Starbucks and Subways that now punctuate every high street. This is an ice-age moment after years of hot coffees and warm pastries. Cold is the hottest new thing in edible delights, and what a delight it is!

If it wasn’t already apparent, I absolutely love the stuff. I love its refreshing tart taste. I even prefer it to ice-cream, and its low calorific content means it carries little of the guilt despite lots of the pleasure.

But it wouldn’t be nearly so joyous a thing if served by some sweaty man-hair hybrid into a polystyrene tray-box in a Turkish chippy behind Ladbroke Grove. The ambience is the thing. Though frozen yoghurt itself is being sold in more and more food places, it is the dedicated frozen yoghurt bars and their common sense of funk that are the most fun. With their sleek interiors and candy colours they are like a portal into a future wonderland of cool and verve. It is as if someone syphoned off people’s fantasies of Tokyo and urban-chic, then poured it into the shop-mould to set. Here, life is Pop.

I can see the doubt in your eyes. You have yet to experience this Narnia of modernity. Luckily there are several local places that you can try, including Snog in South Kensington, Frog in Bayswater and GoYog! in Hammersmith. Even their names rhyme! Clearly they are destined to enter folklore, made into songs sung by men of the future about this time of culinary change.

If I could snort the stuff I would. In fact, if you could snort the stuff I’d make my own new outlet called Snort. I’d put it opposite Boujis and make a killing

Perhaps. As for reviewing these dairy emporiums I will say this: Snog is delicious but the priciest. Frog, opposite Bayswater station tastes the same and has a two-for-one deal for students, which makes it A Bargain™. It also has a strawberry flavour not found anywhere else that is super tasty, faintly recalling strawberry fromage frais but with added F.Y.D. (frozen-yoghurt-deliciousness) factor. GoYog! in Hammersmith has the worst topping selection and only one yoghurt flavour (despite what that crafty blackboard tells you), but like Frog has a two-for-one deal for students and a yoghurt that tastes distinctly different to both Snog and Frog. It is creamier and less tart.

This may sound like the obsessive detail of an addict, but you’d be wrong. Knowing the workers at Frog on first-name terms is what makes me an addict. If I could snort the stuff I would. In fact, if you could snort the stuff I’d make my own new outlet called Snort. I’d put it opposite Boujis and make a killing. Heck, I’d probably get government backing for weaning people off brain-frying drugs to brain-freezing Yog-Stuffs.

Maybe I’m on to something. But until then do try Frozen Yoghurt in any of its incarnations. It’s delicious.

P. S. Look out for Snort.

Snog 32 Thurloe Place, London SW7 2HQ. GoYog! 12 C/D Hammersmith London W6 7AL. Frog 58a Queensway, Bayswater, London W2 3RL.