Don’t be a James Blunt...

Anyone can claim to have saved the world. I stopped the toast from going that little bit too brown this morning. I don't know it yet, but this could have saved the world.

James Blunt has claimed that he stopped World War III from happening. Single handedly, on his own, and with no other input. Somehow I doubt that the British high command would have delegated the whole decision of attacking Russian troops in the Balkans to a warbling and arrogant crooner. If they did, then this makes me feel for the quality of our beloved armed forces. If every captain in the army was going to get a little bit too cocksure on patrol and release something into the world comparable to fingernails being dragged down a blackboard, then I'm surprised there aren't more deserters. "Beautiful" being played at full pitch as I try to keep the peace is more likely to make me scream in anguish and turn the gun on myself rather than shoot any Russian troops. So maybe he has a very tentative point. As tentative a point as a hooker has a choice about positions. An input, but no real claim.

Imagine that Aqua come out and claim they made David Cameron the annoying prat, but nonetheless prime minister, that he is today. It's not that absurd a claim compared to World War III kicking off to the sound of Back to Bedlam. Maybe the twee and trashy 90s Europop caused David to be the man he is today. Somehow I doubt it.

It reminds me of ridiculous claims in the acceptance speeches of arseholes that masquerade as actors. There's never enough use and execution of the word understated. If the world of celebrity was a little bit more David Mitchell than Bez from the Happy Mondays, the world would be free of people like me faceñpalming at every corner. Not only is the image of repetitive faceñpalming comical, it's also resolutely annoying to the person concerned.

So James, if we are to believe a man who once sung to a puppet because he lost his triangle and missed its hypotenuse, obviously a code name for "a hell of a lot of dope", and that you did in fact save the world, then thank you. Thank you so much James.