Our leaders are idiots... no shit

The praise for Julian Assange certainly is interesting to me. Not that I don’t admire the man; it’s very impressive what he’s done, and many of the papers released are genuinely hilarious to read. Mainly because they paint a picture that confirms the best and most accurate conspiracy of all - that the world is not run by malicious plotters or fascists or corporations, but that it is run by people. Stupid, fallible, normal people who just happen to be in a seat of power rather than the front of a taxi.

The leak was admirable because it reminded me that, yes, the world is actually normal. People think the Royal Family are crazy. China secretly slaps its knees and laughs whenever Kim Jong Il makes a weird speech to the world.

I guess I find the praise strange because Julian Assange isn’t really a freedom fighter this time around. He’s just a petty and bitter man.

The war leaks seemed justified - I watched the gunship footage with horror, and it felt good to know that this sort of thing was able to be made public. But releasing a memo that suggests the US thought Brown was a bit ugly? It’s hardly breaking news. It doesn’t help anyone either. What Wikileaks has done is tantamount to reading STD test results out at a brothel. The same people in the world are getting fucked, you’re just making everyone feel slightly more uncomfortable about it.

And of course, this pettiness and dedication to the word “secret” has drawn out every government conspiracy maniac this side of the JFK assassination. There are people out there, people who were created through roughly the same biological process as you, me and Gilead Amit, who believe that America staged Pearl Harbour so they would have a reason to invade Asia. These people look at leaked documents about the size of Ronald Reagan’s left testicle, and they say “If they were hiding that, who knows what else they could be hiding.”

It doesn’t help that Assange looks like the offspring of Doc Brown from Back to the Future and John Inman from Are You Being Served. He gives off an image of craziness, a slight zany fire in his eyes that might make him appear to be leaderly and messianic, but also gives you that strange feeling that, at any second, he might start trying to sell you organic coffee.

Backed up with real, factual, existing documents, it’s a shitstorm for every flavour of crazy out there. I can’t help by admire him despite all this, though, because what he’s done I didn’t think was possible in the world today. Angry people who hate “The West” like to think that the secret service can simply disappear people, erase companies and households off the map, make it look like an accident. But a man who looks like he’d surrender to a car backfiring, with all the special ops training of a European computer nerd, has manager to evade capture by just about everyone.

So here’s the value of what Assange did; not the memos, which are tedious and predictable; not the diplomatic tizzy everyone got into; simply, that he showed just how incompetent the world really is.

No-one is out to get you. No-one is out to control you. They’d all like to, but they’re just too thick. So sit back and have a relaxing Christmas, knowing full well that Big Brother is every bit as childish and silly as the name implies.

Merry Christmas. Here’s to the Brave New World.

Have you got any secret government documents to reveal to the world?

Send them to anangrygeek@gmail.com so I can achieve worldwide fame... and then get arrested on sex charges.