An edible adventure...

I eat. Shocking stuff, you may be thinking, but it gives me a certain problem. Fortunately I have no life-threatening difficulties – I am not allergic to nuts, wheat or milk. I am allergic to Gillian McKeith, but that is another story. What you should perhaps know is that I am tall. I also take a not-extravagant amount of exercise. Point is, I burn off a lot of calories. That, combined with my predilection for boredom, means that eating the same meal three times in three days was not something that was going to last long. A former French flatmate – well, half French half American, not a good combination in this case – was derisive at the idea that this was possible even once. However, I was hungry and wanted to avoid eating the one kilo packets of chicken or beef pasta which Sainsbury’s amusingly label as ‘serves 4’.

What was the solution? Learn to cook. Well, at least a bit. I had a degree to do, and although I wanted to fuel myself so that I could do it, so that I could ride and walk around and so that I could maintain the adipose covering of my otherwise-chiselled eight-pack, it could not be too time consuming. Cue a stream of Delia, Nigella, Elizabeth David, Nigel Slater. This is all sort-of fine and I am sure they have tested them all out and they all work and so on but despite doing a PhD in chemistry, following recipes somehow never massively appealed I mean, what if I do not get the right result? What if I do not like it? What if it is not enough or does not keep? More importantly than any of those, however, what if the flavour is uninspiring?

This became a double-problem. I describe above the insulation on my Adonis-like solar plexus. Well, there was a time when this insulation would have put the greenest flower children to shame on the scale of house insulation and so something had to be done. I tried typical dieting, but it was hopeless, I was thinking about food all the time and eating just as much as I otherwise would have. So, I cut out as much as I could of cream, ice cream, chocolate and so on. I replaced them with other things that were not so calorific and started to learn to like them. Not easy, but worth it. The good thing about that approach was that I could still enjoy flavour. So, I did. I found recipes that seemed all right, but were lacking a certain something. I changed them. This has lead, perhaps inevitably, to now four original recipes for different types of cake. The ideas are not necessarily original – one of them is chocolate – but it is my recipe. I extended this to other dishes, and now I have a recipe for Lasagne that I can give to Italians without finding unexpected dis-membered bedfellows the next morning. Some of it is self-indulgent, apart from the cakes and the cocktail. I do not do a ‘Smoothie’ of any kind – sounds too much like a description of the technique of someone who gives good fellatio. Instead what I have is fruit whizz, which is far better for you and does not cost more than your tube fare to make.

I have never been to catering school, nor am I likely to, but if you find you want to up or down the calories on your plate, my advice is have more fun with your food. Bun fight?

Black Cherry and Almond Cake

155g butter

10g walnut oil (butter is fine instead)

3 eggs

135mL Amaretto

165g white self-raising flour (SRF)

110g sugar

98g St Dalfour black cherry preserve.

– Add the butter, oil and sugar into a bowl, and warm gently in a microwave so the butter melts.

– Ensuring that the bowl and contents are not too hot, stir towards homogeneity then add the Amaretto and mix in.

– Break the eggs into the mixture and stir vigorously until homogenous.

– Add the Black Cherry preserve and mix in. (You may find cherry jam more convenient to source. However, it is sweeter than the St Dalfour, so alter the amount accordingly. St Dalfour has 52g/sugar per 100 g. Bonne mamman jams tend to have 60g/100 g so around 85g of jam would work, however the fruit flavours will not be as aromatic.

– Add flour and mix well. (You can replace 20-30 g of the SRF with plain white flour for a thicker texture. This will make the cake easier to hold with a cup of tea)

– Mix a bit longer, until it is homogenous (saving for the pieces of fruit).

– Pour into a greased 8” x 3” loaf tin; level.

– Heat in a fan assisted oven at 175°C for 50min. Allow 24 h under cover at room temperature before serving.