Aussies conquered yet again by (vice-) Captain Cook

While we were all enjoying the big freeze here in London, some of the enlightened few of us Imperial College students might have known that the Ashes were going on in the convict colony known as Australia. Too busy revising/partying and don’t know what happened? Here’s a quick recap and a player review.

England won 3-1, winning down under for the first time in 24 years. Led by some stellar performances, we decided to review each player individually instead of some spiel about who’s mummy isn’t proud of them anymore (yes that’s you Mitch).

England reviews

Strauss: 7/10

Led his team bravely unlike several other captains before him (cough Freddie cough). Batted solidly to eventually average over 40, which is rare for English captains on Aussie soil.

Cook: 10/10

766 runs at an average of 127 he certainly has shown his potential to be a great of the modern game. Should we still drop him after his abysmal summer here last year? Yeah, I mean Bopara is a better opener anyway.

Trott: 9/10

England’s latest import continued his ruthless destruction of the Aussies making us forget of the dark days when Bopara was no 3.

Pietersen: 8/10

England’s original import got out to the dreaded left arm spin of Xavier Doherty. Fortunately he had already scored 227. Still managed to get out in silly ways but generally looked good with the bat. Might turn into England’s next all-rounder after getting Michael Clarke out in Adelaide.

Collingwood: 5/10

The ginger ninja fought until the end. Now retired, but what a way to go! Will be remembered in this series for ‘that catch’. Thanks Colly! Shame he couldn’t bat this series.

Bell: 8/10

The Sherminator grew up to terrorise the Aussies and was generally unlucky to not get a proper bat in this series. Finally managed to get his first ever Ashes century.

Prior: 8/10

Beard of the Year. Apparently. Record number of catches and was brilliant behind the stumps means he’ll be the test keeper for at least a while. As long as the beard stays.

Broad: 6/10

Malfoy sadly got injured early and had to go home because of a side-strain. Still managed to smash Clarke on the head and steal into the TMS box.

Swann: 8/10

Two points here for the diary. Bowled generally well on unhelpful surfaces. World’s best spinner? Probably.

Anderson: 9/10

He was supposed to be rubbish in Australia. He wasn’t. Leading wicket taker in the series. ‘Nuff said.

Finn: 8/10

Hard to believe he’s younger than a lot of people at this university. Still bowled better than most of his elders in the Aussie camp by a long way. Apart from Mitch.

Tremlett: 8/10

The gentle giant came to life and actually scared some of the Aussies and walked away with 17 wickets after three tests. Pretty good return to test cricket.

Tim Bresnan: 8.5/10

Half a point for being from Yorkshire. Surprised many by actually not being rubbish when brought into the side, especially the Australian batsman as he ran through the top order in Melbourne.

Australian ratings

Mitchell Johnson: 10/10

Let’s face it. Nobody helped England win the Ashes more than Mitch.

Xavier Doherty: 12/10

Okay wait maybe he did. He’ll never play for Australia again though. Yes that’s twelve out of ten!

Ricky Ponting: 2/10

Will go down in history as being the only Aussie captain to lose the Ashes three times in the modern era. Sadly those two points were for sympathy and not for his batting.

Mike Hussey: 9/10

Seriously though. This guy was the only Aussie who stood up to be counted. Supposedly had his career on the line, he batted like a champion to end up the second highest scorer in the series.

Steve Smith: 4/10

Who?

Barmy Army review: 10/10

If any of the reviews could be disputed, this one can’t for sure. They provided lyrical genius to contribute to Johnson’s golden duck at the SCG.