Did you know I once saw John Cleese in a curry house?

This one sentence can kick-off a near-endless conversation of who saw who, where and doing what. Like them or loathe them, celebrities do get people talking. Off the top of my head, I can’t think of any other use they might have. Every day it gets easier to gossip – not just because of The News of the World’s standard journalistic practices – but also because of the sheer abundance of celebrities in our society today.

The only celebrities I had when I was growing were Eric Cantona, Konnie Huq and Leonardo from the Superhero Mutant Ninja Turtles. Now there are more celebrities than there are particles in the universe. Part of the reason for this is that the entry requirements for becoming a celebrity have been severely lowered. Instead of being a great athlete; successful musician or actor; or a superhero role-model, celebrity status is endowed on anyone who has been on half an episode of X-Factor or Big Brother. Honorary celebrity status is even granted to the siblings of celebrities, regardless of their talent, or lack thereof.

While I do worry that this is raising a culture of entitlement and that fame is an ends unto itself, I can go about my daily life more or less normally. Celebrities are other people. What really concerns me is where this trend is heading. Another reason why we have so many celebrities today is that yesterday’s celebrities (providing they haven’t slipped into the limbo of obscurity) are still around, mixing with the celebrities of today. The celebrities of tomorrow will have to mingle with both of these earlier species, while more continue to be made. The Earth can only support so many people: it will positively groan under so many egos.

If the cult of celebrity continues to grow at this rate, I predict that there will come a point where everything flips. It’ll happen when there are more celebrities than “normal” people. By virtue of their rarity, the normal people will be the new celebrities. For a while, more traditional celebrities will continue to be pumped out, elevating the status of the “normals” who are left. Suddenly, celebrity magazines will begin pandering to them, so that the celebrities can find out how dress, eat and exercise like a ‘normal’ person.

That’s only the tip of the pendulum though. Once TV producers cotton on to the reversed social order, they’ll start making shows where celebrities are turned into ordinary people. The prizes would br grandiose: one million pounds! – removed from your estate. Then the biographies and tabloid confessionals would come out, the truth in first edition. Celebrities will admit to all the drugs they haven’t taken, all the people they haven’t slept with, all the outrageous behaviour that they might have exaggerated a teeny bit. The greatest revelation will be that Charlie Sheen is actually a practicing Methodist.

I can’t imagine what will happen after this great reversal, nor can I think of a way that it can be avoided. Celebrity begets more celebrity. They feed on the fuel of interest, and can only die when that fuel is exhausted. But we’ll never stop talking about celebrities. How do I know? I don’t even care for them and I’ve spent the whole of this article talking about them!

I would like to make it clear that this article is not a vent for my disappointment at being the one person in the UK not to have their phone hacked by The News of the World. Although, I am quite insulted at not being hacked. Don’t you know who I am?