Five films to watch on Halloween (if you're a massive wuss)

So, it’s Halloween and your friends suggest you have a group trip to the cinema to watch Paranormal Activity 3. There’s just one problem: last time you watched a scary film, it was The Ring when it came out on DVD ten years ago, and despite watching it in the middle of the day you still shat yourself. Have no fear! Here’s a list of ‘safe films’ for utter wimps like you.

Shaun of the Dead

If you haven’t seen this film yet, where have you been? Quite possibly one of the most successful British films in recent years, this zombie-smashing film will have you laughing like nobody’s business. The cast comprises pretty much every single British comedian that exists (there are cameos from Rob Brydon, Tasmin Greig and David Walliams along with many others) and it’s only a teeny bit gory, so avoid eating anything that looks like someone’s innards whilst you watch it and you should be alright.

Young Frankenstein

The fact that Gene Wilder is the star of the film should surely give it some scare factor. This parody remake of Mary Shelley’s novel makes plenty of nods to classic black and white horror films, complete with old-school scene transitions. Apparently, Aerosmith got the idea for the title of their song ‘Walk This Way’ from a gag at the beginning of the film, so if that’s not got you watching it I don’t know what will.

Coraline

Admittedly a little sinister considering it’s meant for kids, this is the perfect film for a wussy Halloween. The film about venturing off into secret worlds is magical, mysterious and beautifully made, and there’s a stunning scene where the garden literally comes alive with glowing flowers (although look out for the plants that look suspiciously like femidoms). One of those few films that actually makes sense for it to be in 3D.

The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

This English-subtitled Spanish film has a few scary faces and involves the traditionally creepy premise of being haunted by dead children, but you’re not exactly going to be pissing your pants. Turns out to be more of a sad, yet heart-warming story than scary. Maybe don’t go for any midnight visits to abandoned orphanages, though.

Ghost

The only part of this film that’ll give you nightmares is Patrick Swayze’s acting, or the equally horrifying fact that his character only ever replies to “I love you” with “Ditto”. However, Whoopi Goldberg certainly manages to make up for it with her sassy one-liners and outrageous 80s get up. Yes, the whole ghost thing is a very tenuous link to Halloween but who says you can’t celebrate with a soppy 80s chick flick?