Mikill Pane does not exist... survived by hate of hip-hop

Kadhim Shubber: Your website says you’re “non-existent”; what happened, can we help?

Mikill Pane: I’m just a figment of Justin Smith Uzomba’s vivid imagination and nope, you can’t help. I’ve got all the assistance I need, thanks. Unless you know anyone who’s letting go of a better body than the one I’m currently housed in. I’d quite like to be a sex symbol and Justin’s physique doesn’t quite cut it.

KS: What’s your story? How did you come to be (or not to be)?

MP: Justin unwittingly created me as a nemesis for a former alter ego that we won’t speak about for legal reasons.

KS: Why is pronouncing your name “Mickill” so horrendously wrong?

MP: Paedophilia is horrendously wrong. Pronouncing my name in such a manner is simply wrong. Just don’t do it and we won’t have any problems.

KS: What’s wrong with modern hip-hop, and what can Imperial students do to fix it?

MP: I don’t like most modern hip-hop because I’m rarely interested by any of the subject matter of the tracks I hear. Imperial students can’t do much unless they’re willing to give up their studies and start a mass rap career.

KS: You seem to shun the whole rapping about “guns and bitches” area of hip-hop; what’s wrong with “guns and bitches”?

MP: I’ll pretend you didn’t ask that...

KS: What’s worth and not worth rapping about?

MP: Rap about anything you like as long as you’re interested in it.

KS: You wrote some dark and depressing rhymes on the track you did with Ed Sheeran, ‘Little Lady’. What recess of your mind did the 13-year-old prostitute idea come from?

MP: ‘Little Lady’ was written by Justin’s old alter ego. He’s gone now and he won’t need lyrics wherever he is, so I stole the song. Sue me.

KS: You’re pretty inked up, tell us a bit about your tattoos.

MP: There’re way too many. I can tell you that they are, in essence, pigmentation beneath my skin... I hope that info suffices.

KS: Imperial is a science-only university, so we’re going to end with a short quiz: E equals?

MP: MC2, but what does Mariah Carey’s eleventh album have to do with science?

KS: People who believe in creationism are?

MP: Let’s not make sweeping generalisations.

KS: Fermat's debut theorem was way better than his last theorem, discuss.

MP: I'll take your word for it