Balderdash and other lies

I discovered a game called Balderdash at a dinner party last week (I can feel the mid-life beckoning me already – damn). For those of you unaware of the game, it essentially involves making things up to trick people. A player reads something off a card; an acronym, a name, a law, or something else of that nature. The other players then have to write down a response; what the acronym stands for, why the name is (supposedly) famous, that sort of thing. Answers are collected and read out by the individual who originally wrote the card. Following this the players pick what they believe to be the correct response and duly advance around the board if they’re right. Some of the answers really were absurd; I wish I could provide some examples but they have eluded me somewhat (maybe it’s that middle aged thing again). In essence, you do well in this game by writing bullshit that’s believable. I’ve used the word ‘bullshit’ because I really don’t think any other word would portray exactly what I’m trying to say in this article (advanced apologies for the overuse of that particular word).

What has struck me since playing Balderdash is how much nonsense I see and hear every day. It would appear as if there are two reasons why someone might bullshit (excluding to win a game of Balderdash, of course); first off we have the “cry-for-attention” bullshit. I’ve given it that name because, let’s face it, everyone knows someone who bullshits for attention due to insecurities – and even if it usually works it doesn’t make you any less pathetic. It may involve deciding to sleep on the floor of a lecture theatre during a lecture so that people can notice you and think: “ooh they must be really tired” or, more likely, “what a twat”. It could also involve talking loudly about how much you’ve been bench pressing in Ethos. Yeah, great, you have big pectorals. Good for you.

The other type of rubbish that has been somewhat prominent as of recent is the “I have no idea what I’m talking about” type (I may regret saying that). Why do people open their mouths when all that prevails are nonsensical, ill-thought out, feeble and often contradictory attempts at coherent beliefs? You may or may not have seen or heard about a video on YouTube called ‘My Tram Experience’ (approximately 48 hours after uploading it had close to 3.5 million views). The passengers of aforementioned tram all bear witness to a white, 34 year old, probably drunk or drugged up woman with her child sitting on one knee. The mother is ejecting racist remarks like a torrent of vomit. Admittedly it’s not the worst video I’ve seen in terms of racism; in fact, it’s somewhat tame compared to EDL member ‘Cobz Smith’ attacking Asians on the tube for no apparent reason other than their place of origin. Nevertheless, it doesn’t exactly make for pleasant viewing.

I’m sorry, but that really is just a load of bollocks.

This woman clearly had no idea what she was on about. After accosting another woman because of her skin colour she fumbled around for words like Ed Miliband in a union dispute, telling her to “go back to where you come from, so back to Sib... fucking Nig... N*****agua”. I assume she meant Nicaragua. Following this she spewed out the following: “You ain’t fucking British! Fuck off! You ain’t British, you’re black! You’re black! You ain’t British, you’re black!” So it turns out that being black and being British are mutually exclusive events. Apparently.

This whole Jeremy Clarkson issue is a load of rubbish as well. It saddens me how the journalism industry completely misconstrues a situation to make ‘news’. If you watch the whole interview you can tell that in typical Jeremy Clarkson fashion he wasn’t being the slightest bit serious and it’s safe to say that if Jeremy were to be presented with a gun, a private sector striker and their family, no one would get shot. Some people may not see the funny side of what Jeremy said (which isn’t surprising as it was taken out of context) and consider it to be bullshit – that’s fine – but then again does it really matter that you think he’s talking a load of rubbish? Karen Jennings, assistant general secretary of UNISON likened how Clarkson had spoken to “almost like Gaddafi would have spoken about demonstrators” going on to call it “an incitement to hatred”. I’m sorry, but that really is just a load of bollocks.

So how do I feel about all of this: ‘My Tram Experience’, the media outburst over Clarkson and bullshit in general? I honestly don’t care. The woman on the tram spoke pure bollocks. If I were on the same tram I would have done as few of the other passengers did – sat there and ignored it. And the ridiculous media frenzy resulting from Clarkson’s comments on the One Show? They’re a load of rubbish, so I’m ignoring them too. Much like I choose to ignore people who cry for attention in various ways – because, quite simply put, they exude bullshit.