I hate Christmas

It’s about that time of year again. Bloody Christmas time. You’re probably reading this right now with the most appalled look on your face. I suggest you remove it before someone notices. ‘But why? Why do you hate Christmas?’ You must be asking. Well let me tell you. Because its frickin’ irritating. Irritating as hell.

Where do I even start? Well let’s begin with the obvious: Christmas isn’t even real. What is Christmas exactly? It’s a celebration of Jesus’ birthday, the Son of God and our saviour (as people believe). Here’s a news flash for you: Jesus wasn’t born on December the 25th. He was actually born somewhere in the springtime. The day everyone is really celebrating is actually a Pagan holiday that Christians chose to replace with Christmas, as it was easier to choose a day that everyone already celebrated when Christianity was just starting. Weirdest thing? Loads of Christians already know this! They accept that Jesus wasn’t actually born in winter but say it’s still a good reason to celebrate God or something. This defeats the original purpose about Jesus being born or whatever… but okay. So Christmas isn’t actually Christmas, it’s Pagan-mas. But I guess that’s not as catchy.

It’s just a time of the year. I’m not going to get randomly cheery just because it’s a Tuesday afternoon or because Jupiter has aligned with Mars.

And so what if Jesus wasn’t born on Christmas? Most people who celebrate Christmas nowadays don’t even believe in Jesus. It’s a known fact that Church attendance is falling every year. How many people go to Church on Christmas anymore? I don’t really care. And neither do you, because more likely than not, you probably don’t go to Church on Christmas. So if you aren’t celebrating God or Jesus or anything else of a religious nature then what are you celebrating? Oh that’s right, consumerism! The most celebrated part of Christmas is presents. We’d like to think of ourselves as deep and moral people, but the truth is that we bloody love stuff. Christmas promotes materialism. Children come running down the stairs on Christmas morning to open presents and stockings. I mean, what would Christmas be without presents? Face it; it’d be really boring. What else would have you running down those stairs? A tree? Let’s not go into how environmentally unfriendly Christmas is in regards to trees – that’s obvious enough.

Dare I even mention ‘Christmas cheer’? Yes, because it’s insanely infuriating. Everyone gets ‘merry’ and ‘joyful’ around Christmas, simply because it’s Christmas time. Seriously? It’s just a time of the year. I’m not going to get randomly cheery just because it’s a Tuesday afternoon or because Jupiter has aligned with Mars. When someone smiles and wishes me a Merry Christmas it feels so fake I practically want to slap the smile off their face. Also, don’t start looking forward to Christmas in October. What is that about? You’ve got two months! At least allow Halloween to pass. But that’s not even the worse part. It’s the stupid ‘post-Christmas depression’ that everyone goes into once Christmas is over. What the hell is wrong with you? It’s just one day of the year! I don’t get depressed after my birthday (apart from when I cry over how old I’m getting). It’s understandable if you feel a bit down after summer but that’s because university/work is starting. But you shouldn’t get depressed because Christmas is over; there’s nothing you can do about it. Get over it and get on with your life please. Thanks.

...'post-Christmas depression’ that everyone goes into once Christmas is over. What the hell is wrong with you?

Christmas songs. I want to rip more than just my hair out when I hear one, I want to rip my whole frickin’ skull out. If that isn’t false cheer I don’t know what is. Throw in some stupid shallow competition for the ‘Christmas No. 1’ and have 20 different songs released in the same week about mistletoe and shit and I’m just about ready to smash my radio in. Christmas loses a lot of sentimental meaning and value when you have so many cheesy songs about it. It’s a quick way for celebrities to make a lot of money. In fact, Christmas in itself is one big money making machine. Card companies must love it. And obviously with the aforementioned present buying, retailers must be raking it in. Also, what is with shops being open on Christmas nowadays? Who on earth is going to go to McDonald’s on Christmas day? A very lonely person, that’s who.

But I’m not going to deny that Christmas does have some good points. I mean the lights are beautiful and they make people happy. I can agree that Christmas dinner is special and damn well delicious (I bet the poor turkeys wouldn’t agree though). And the Christmas drinks they do at Starbucks are awesome (especially the Eggnog Latte). The main point is that Christmas is a good way to bring family together. There are very few times in the year when all the family get together and just well… spend time together. The fact that you need one day in a year to bring all the family together is a different problem in itself, but at least it can be counted as Christmas’ redeeming quality. It makes it very depressing for those who spend Christmas alone, but for those of you that are lucky enough to spend it with family: good for you. Just remember that it isn’t always about the presents, cards, trees or decorations. So if you don’t get the present you wanted this Christmas, or your tree isn’t as big as you wanted it to be, then just take a moment to shut the fuck up and stop complaining. Christmas is primarily meant to be about all that sentimental stuff (or the religious stuff if you’re religious). Having said that, Christmas still annoys the shit out of me. Or maybe I just hate the way society perceives Christmas. Or maybe I just hate society. Who knows?