Kadhim's totally hot album of the week #10

And so this is Christmas. The season of merriment, mulled wine, and all-too-predictable disappointment. You were probably expecting the album of the week, given that it is the season of cheer, to be Michael Bublé’s Christmas; if so, I’m sorry to disappoint. You may have expected it to be The Black Keys’ latest release El Camino; if so not only am I sorry to disappoint, but I’m also extremely disappointed myself – the album is a bit of a dud. Given the overwhelming ubiquity of disappointment, I thought it better to simply embrace it. To welcome the ennui, loneliness, and introspection that accompanies the monotonous sounds of Christmas – Jesus Christ, Leona Lewis, you’ve been bleeding for almost four years now, die already!

Hence, Vondelpark [Spotify]. This Surrey/London trio have crafted a solemn and secretive sound that gives little away. I’m pretty sure they’re feeling low and nostalgic, but I’ve no idea what about – although I’d guess from their sublime opener ‘TV’ they’re sad that Community has left our screens. If you’re going through a breakup, or agonizing over an un-requited love, I advise you to steer well clear; their cracked, sensitive beats are ripe for recording and amplifying your emotions.

I’d file them next to Baths, or Balam Acab. I’d probably also file them in the BBC’s Sound of 2012, but obviously the BBC disagree. December is the time for putting albums in lists and ‘predicting’ next year’s trends. None is more controversial than the BBC’s Sound of Whatever-Year-Is-Next. This time around, alongside the brilliant Azealia Banks, the violent-but-talentedA$AP Rocky, and Frank Ocean, they’ve chosen destroyer-of-all-that-is-good Skrillex: a man who looks and sounds like he’s from a dystopian future where Putin and Lady Gaga terrorise the Earth in a brutal transvestite, brostep tyranny. But I shouldn’t complain. It’s Christmas after all. It’s not a time to hate… it’s a time to feel bitter and depressed. Enjoy Vondelpark.

Don’t forget to write to Santa by going to emailsanta.com. If he doesn’t reply and you’re feeling down on Christmas Day, tweet me @kadhimshubber with the hashtag #SantaDoesntExist.