Sexagenarian eager beavers

The auditorium dims, the stage lights go up, and I’m faced with a sixty-six-year-old woman lying on a bed, masturbating to phone sex.

It is safe to say I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I agreed to review A Round-Heeled Woman and I admit, I’m still a bit shell-shocked. The play is based on the true story of Jane, a woman so bored after her thirty years of celibacy, that she publishes an ad in the classified section of The New York Review of Books: “Before I turn 67 – next March – I would like to have a lot of sex with a man I like. If you want to talk first, Trollope works for me”. The show follows the antics that develop from the sixty odd replies she receives from men aged 32-82.

The first half is all about the sex; I found myself watching most of it through my fingers, cringing at every line as a group of mature women chat about blowjobs, sucking on clits and the feeling of being filled by a penis. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sex and the City as much as the next girl but my toes are still uncurling from the memory of the onstage conversation about the challenges that being sexually active aged over 60 presents (cue erectile dysfunction and the need for a lot of lube). It is, however, undeniably laugh-out-loud funny; I suffered from childish giggles or spurts of hysterical surprise as line after line of explicit dialogue is exchanged.

‘Before I turn 67 I would like to have lots of sex with a man I Iike’

On the other hand, the second half is a complete contrast as the story digs deeper into the life that Jane has lived up to the point of posting the ad. It addresses the issues she’s struggled with: her unplanned pregnancy, failed marriage, disapproving mother and estranged son whom she hasn’t seen for eighteen years. It gets more emotional as relationships founded through the ad cause heartbreak and rejection, and the audience start to sympathise with Jane’s uncouth character.

Throughout the play, parallels are drawn between Jane’s relationship faux pas and that of Trollope’s famous character Miss MacKenzie, an unattractive spinster who inherited a small fortune and suddenly found herself receiving an influx of marriage proposals. Unfortunately I am completely ignorant of Trollope’s 19th century novels and therefore a lot of the references made in the play were lost on me. That being said, the constant appearance of Miss MacKenzie’s ghost was an interesting addition to an already complex plot.

The storytelling is engaging throughout, and the sexy Sharon Gless, who plays Jane, is absolutely exceptional; she’s witty and charming, and her portrayal of a female orgasm was particularly convincing. She even strips down to her underwear in one scene. The onstage set is well thought out and compliments every scene.

So would I recomend it? I personally don’t know anyone who would enjoy it, so I probably wouldn’t send someone in my group of friends. Of course, that’s not to say no one will like it. It’s certainly not one to watch with your mum... or worse, your dad. It wouldn’t be great on a first date for that matter and I felt like I brought the average age of the audience down by about 40 years. Nevertheless, it was an oustandingly great escape from College life, even for the wrong reasons.

A Round Heeled Woman at the Aldwych Theatre – limited run only