The Valentine’s dessert

Singletons hear me out, it’s coming up to that time of year again... you’re reminded that you are very single, lonely, cold and depressed.

However, you have in your sights a gorgeously hot girl you have REALLY wanted to impress since first casting your eyes on the back of her head during lectures, but “Oh no!” She is playing hard-to-get: ignoring your gestures, blanking your advances. Quite frankly it’ll take nothing short of bathing yourself in the Russell Brand’s pheromones for your sorry-ass self to ever get noticed by this gem of a girl, who is, by the way, completely out of your league.

But fear not, there’ll be no need to lick Russell Brand’s armpits this year. With this one dessert, she’ll be blown away by your culinary expertise! She’ll be thinking “W-O-W! Where has this guy been all my life???” and before you know it… BOOM, she’s all yours.

According to Cosmopolitan (the Wikipedia for understanding girls), every girl secretly dreams for a man, so that’s your chances gone boy… ha! Nah I’m just kidding. After much research, it has been found that (I hope you are ready for this), chicks love cooks! A guy with the ability to whip up an amazing meal is a man destinied for success, a master in making every girl’s heart melt, a man capable of launching a thousand ships, each crammed full of adoring loving female fans. With this one gesture, that man could be you. Dammit by the end of Valentine’s Day this year, your face will in the dreams of every girl at Imperial who has heard, in the wind, whisperings of your culinary marksmanship. Statistics show that 67% of women admit to having slept with cooks before, 78% of women admit to fantasising about men cooking before, and here is the match winning goal, 100% of women admit to having food in the hours before bed, therefore you know for sure what’s happening next after she eats your dessert! Laugh out loud. Truely.

Anyways, how true the stuff above is I don’t know. Yeah fine I could have ‘overcooked’ the stats you see above, but in all honesty this really is one tasty dessert which I highly recommend for you to try out and I can assure you, it will go down a treat!

BY’s Valentine Dessert

Costs: £7 max

Preparation time: 30 minutes

Makes 3-4 (when using wine glasses)

Ingredients:

150g Blueberries

3 tablespoon caster sugar

250g tub mascarpone

4 tablespoon icing sugar

5 tablespoons of double cream

5 digestive biscuits

25g butter

2 clear glass containers for serving (small Nutella jars works well or wine glasses)

Get a bowl and mix together the mascarpone, the double cream and the icing sugar. Keeping on mixing until it’s a nice smooth consistency.

Put on some clean gloves (get your scientist friends to grab you a pair of those disposable ones from labs or hospital)

Crush the digestive biscuits into a bowl so they are nice and crumbly. Melt the butter in the microwave and pour into the bowl with the biscuits. Mix the butter and the biscuits.

Carefully line the bottom of your glassware with the biscuit/butter mix and press down with your finger or a teaspoon to compact together the crumble mixture. Eventually you’ll have your glassware lined at the base with a layer of biscuit just under 1 cm thick.

Add in your mascarpone/cream/icing sugar mixture, leaving space at the top for your blueberry topping.

Place your glassware with the biscuit cream mixture inside into the fridge to cool.

Turn on your stove, medium head and find a nice small saucepan.

Add to it the blueberries and your caster sugar. Heat it up until the sugar has melted and the blueberries have released their juice onto the sugar turning forming a deep purple colour. This should take around 3 minutes. CARE – don’t overcook the sugar or else it would burn and then disaster, you’ll set your fire alarm off causing your hallmates to kill you.

Take your glassware out the fridge and carefully spoon over the top your blueberry topping. This should create a beautiful purple topping over a white creamy base interlaced with a few drips of the blueberry sauce coming through, lined at the bottom with biscuit base.

Place your pot back into the fridge to cool until the time comes when you want to serve it.

Voila! You are done! Easy.