Long distance relationships

I’m banging out my comment piece quite quickly this week, as I haven’t had time to think about it much. I’ve been quite busy. Appropriately enough for the Valentine’s day issue, the thing that’s been taking up all of my time is my girlfriend. She’s visiting me for a week, for the second time in four months. Alas, I’m afraid I’m in one of those dreadful, love-you-but-hate-it long distance relationships.

So, is it worth it? Should you keep in touch with that girl you’re going to meet this summer? Or should you slowly start breaking things up with your boyfriend because you’re doing a year abroad next year? There is no definite answer, but I can tell you what I’ve learnt so far…

At the beginning of the year, my situation was almost something of an embarrassment. I was that most naïve, and rare, of creatures: an Erasmus student with a girlfriend. Much was made of the “three month rule” whereby no couple had ever lasted more than three months into an Erasmus year. Heads were solemnly nodded as almost everyone but me admitted to having dumped their other half during the summer, in preparation for the orgiastic year ahead.

Why, then, would I put myself through such an ordeal of discipline and self-restraint? Surrounded by plenty of…friendly people (you know what I mean) open to all sorts of …new experiences (all right, I’ll stop now), what attraction could near-chastity and countless girl -pause- friends hold?

Indeed, the curious organism that is the long-distance relationship is not easy to tame. It feeds off endless Skype conversations (thank god for webcams), the odd letter and the occasional, planned-months-in-advance trip. And it needs a lot of patience, effort and level-headedness to keep it alive and healthy. Not for everyone, then.

It needs a lot of patience, effort and level-headedness to keep it alive and healthy. Not for everyone, then

In fact, I think it’s something that has to be judged in the long run. Is the relationship worth suffering for? When you have the other person in your arms after two months of absence, does the proverb really hold? Or would you have enjoyed yourself more if you’d gotten with the Swedish chick from the party two weeks ago? I can’t answer those questions for you. But they are the kind of questions you have to ask yourself if you want things to work out with That Special Person.

Having said all that, Valentine’s day is around the corner, and if the missus wasn’t all anti-pink-flowery-bullshit (which I’m incredibly grateful for) I would have to be getting her a present round about now. All is well so far, though, and we have told the three month rule to stuff it. Obviously something, somewhere went right. So, what is worth the effort?

For a start, it can be quite liberating. You’re away from your boyfriend/girlfriend, and fine, you miss them; now, though, no-one is there to nag you, or complain when you go watch the football with mates, or watch Glee, or get absolutely plastered. They can’t get annoyed at you for dumb little things like the washing up, or the position of the toilet seat, because they’re not there. You can even have the odd cheeky flirt from time to time, without anyone being the wiser.

Conversely, this means that whenever you do see them, you will be (to borrow a friend’s expression) on a little pink cloud, seeing the world through rainbow unicorn glasses. Or something like that. Life is, for lack of a better word, good.

Another advantage is how the distance puts things into perspective. If it works, it works really well. The relationship gets a lot stronger, and you see what actually matters - like how the contents of text message are far more important than how many you send, for example. It brings out the best in both of you, inspiring corny romantic gestures as well as meaningful conversations. The relationship reaches a whole new level…no pain, no gain, I guess.

Oh, and I-haven’t-seen-you-in-ages sex is awesome.

In short, if both of you are prepared to put the time and effort in, long distance can be very rewarding. A word of warning, however : don’t sign up for one of these if you’re going to be separated indefinitely. Living on two different continents is all very romantic, but unless one of you owns a private jet it’s going to get very frustrating, very quickly, without an end in sight. As far as I’m concerned, a year is more than enough!

There you have it : a (very) quick overview of the pros and cons (and pro) of a long distance relationship. Forgive me if it sounded a bit rushed, but I’m not going to see my girlfriend for a while…