Manipulative mediums

While enjoying one of my typically exciting weekday evenings (during which I systematically avoid any kind of social interaction and retreat to the comfort of my couch), I stumbled upon a programme about past life regression presented by ethereal pundit Phillip Schofield. The grey-haired horseshit peddler asks one of the most important questions of our time – have we been here in a past life?

Let me save you the trouble; the answer is no. Each episode involves interrogating a suspiciously relaxed Z–list celebrity about their past lives. Comedian Eddie Large recalls being a Scottish warrior wearing “some clothes” and fighting in “some field somewhere,” adding that “it always happens in some field.” Compelling stuff. The programme hides behinds a paper–thin veneer of objectivity, occasionally pointing out that it might all be a load of rubbish, while heavily implying the opposite.

This brief glimpse into the bizarre and confusing world of the paranormal got me thinking. According to a recent study by sociologist Fabri Cation, an increasing number of people are being drawn in by this nonsense. We live in an age where otherwise logical individuals read horoscopes daily, mothers hire baby-psychics, and, perhaps most distressingly, where Uri Geller can find repeated employment.

Despite the rapid progress of science and the continued elucidation of the unknown, people insist on taking advice from people with capes and crystal balls.

For the most part, casually dabbling in the curious world of ghosts and ghouls is harmless. We can happily laugh at the vast majority of the wailing morons who claim to have some link to the other side and easily refute their increasingly ludicrous claims with a measured dose of common sense and rationality. Most people who believe in this absurd nonsense are largely unharmed by their unfounded notions about reality. Sadly, there is a much more troubling side to this story.

The human mind is a vulnerable thing. I have no gripe with psychics who strip the odd penny from the deluded masses, but when they prey on those distraught, fragile individuals who have recently lost a loved one, I start to think that locking them all up in windowless cells and leaving them to die alone might not be so unreasonable after all. It is hard to imagine how, but it is possible to become addicted to psychic consultations. In a state of such extreme despair, some will do anything to connect to a deceased familiar. The high achieved during a consultation merely distracts the client from the real problem, and prevents them from moving on. It is certainly not a cheap distraction either; you can pay hundreds of pounds for a reading lasting less than an hour.

These psychics are exploiting vulnerable individuals in the most callous fashion imaginable with little concern for their wellbeing. This part of the paranormal world is deeply corrupt. Perhaps there needs to be some kind of regulatory body for psychic mediums, imposing appropriate fines for exploitative consultations. I personally think we should just put them all in one enormous bag and hit them with sticks until they agree to go away. Hitting things with sticks is always the best solution.