Pain in the career

The world’s a pretty scary place at the moment, not least because of the abundance of Danny Dyer films being produced. In these uncertain times, it’s good to have a bit of security, so it’s no surprise that one of the hottest topics at the moment is one which turns even the most studious into career-hungry businessmen and women – internships.

All day, every day, the questions fire back and forth across the lecture theatre; individuals discussing the merits of Morgan Stanley or the perils of embarking into academic research. Interview techniques, stocks and shares, online tests. It’s a nuclear minefield.

As others run to and fro, exchanging hints and tips on the best way to introduce yourself to prospective employers (fist bump, anyone?), I’m sitting back, pipe in hand, slippers on feet, considering whether I should be worrying more about my future.

As others exchange tips on the best way to introduce yourself to prospective employers (fist bump, anyone?), I’m sitting back, pipe in hand

And I really should. It should come as no surprise that graduate employment is much lower than in recent years.

But sometimes, like when that douche-bag walks into the library with his booming voice, mid-sentence, yelling out to his friends, “YAH mate, so I applied to this lush bank. The Times Top 100 says that it’s got water coolers and everything. I’m totally having my phone interview right here in 15 minutes so that everywaaan can listen…”

Yeah, well, when that happens I can’t help but shake the feeling that some people take it all a bit seriously. I realize that getting an internship could be setting up easy employment or might provide a valuable bullet point or two for a CV, but I feel that getting worked up over them is restrictive.

Me? I have applied for vacancies, but not to as many places as my colleagues; I think the workload of a degree is enough of a weight on my mind at the moment.

Did others have it drilled into their heads that work experience was important? I know that I was envious of other schools that sent their cohorts off for a week of making tea and wasting time all across the job market. My careers advice was pretty sparse (read: non-existent), and I was so laid back about my UCAS application that I couldn’t even decide between a science or humanities degree. If you’re still indecisive at that stage, something is terribly wrong.

Even my childhood reading material was encouraging me to get a steady career. I mean, those guys in the Harry Potter series had pretty darn extensive careers advice. After one meeting those eager young witches and wizards would be set for life, doomed to a future consisting of bureaucratic subservience in an uncaring government or consigned to constant sporting prowess, with any kind of entrepreneurial enterprise frowned upon. They were tossed to the wolves, cold and bereft.

Wait – that probably isn’t the best analogy.

Anyway, who am I kidding? Unlike myself, plenty of students probably updated their CVs way back before the Autumn Term, adding the odd polish if and when necessary. Times when you’ve shown leadership, times when you’ve shown qualities for said role. And let’s not forget the gold standard, teamwork. This only makes me think of that bit in The Untouchables where Al Capone strolls round a table extolling the virtues of being a team player, right before he beats some mook’s head to a messy pulp with a baseball bat.

Surely employers must look at student CVs and see the massive similarities? That’s why I find it so hard to apply, I have to think long and hard to write something wholly original on an application that has never been seen before, but, depressingly, probably has. There’ll only be actual meaning to a CV once we’ve gone beyond internships, built up long periods of experience, and know what we want to do.

And this got me thinking – are people who’ve got it all planned out going to have an easier time? Some of my colleagues already have placements awaiting them at the end of their degree and these days, that’s pretty enviable indeed.

Good luck to them. I’m going to take each day as it comes as I move towards real life and all of its Dyer-fllled goodness. Whatever happens internship-wise, I know that a degree from Imperial will be worthwhile whatever the financial climate.

Anyway, that’s enough from me – the financial world has just announced Solvency IV, and that kind of knowledge will look priceless on my CV.