Psycho Alice in post-exam wonderland

Staring at a pile of Civ Eng textbooks proved too much for one Imperial student today, as Alice Liddell was reportedly seen wandering around the Queen’s Lawn talking to flowers. A friend told Felix that Alice had had “a bit of a Donnie Darko moment” earlier in the library and had since been behaving extremely irrationally. “She started following me around earlier,” reported Union Fellow Tosin Ajayi “I was running really late and I’d lost my gloves or I would have stayed to help.”

Alice is believed to have developed some sort of multiple personality disorder and has been seen around campus apparently talking to her reflection in various windows and bathroom mirrors. Some students have theorised that drugs may be involved having yesterday seen Alice at a party in Metric acting totally “off her head”. Medic Robyn Jacobs denies any link with illegal substances claiming that Alice, a close friend, was merely “getting in touch with her inner child”. Let it be noted however that the suspicious grin on Robyn’s face might lead some to believe that this story is merely a cover for some darker involvement in DJ Dave Beaton’s Metric-based rave scene. Further comments from Robyn relating to how Alice “totally fancies me” cast further doubt on the story.

Laurence Pope believes revision stress is more likely to blame, and has himself been having a tough time re-adjusting to a post-exam lifestyle. His experiences during the revision period have led him to smash all clocks and watches in his room and take up drinking enormous amounts of tea.

Despite a serious commitment to the meditation society over the past few weeks, Laurence has found it hard to move on. “I can’t stop going over and over the exams in my head, thinking about the questions that I couldn’t answer. Why is a raven like a writing desk? It’s driving me mad. More tea?”

Alice is described variously as a short African medic, a masters student with a funky black fringe and a tall slim girl with light brown hair. If you do see Alice on the Queen’s Lawn this evening at 6.30pm it is recommended that before seeking help you hang around for a bit – apparently watching her go mad can be pretty funny. However the ICU Deputy President for Welfare is taking this case very seriously and would like to speak to both Alice and anyone else with exam-based mental health issues.