RCSU on top

Fresher’s Fair 2012 saw an unprecedented rise in mascotry and the RCSU-CGCU rivalry was re-ignited with a burning vengeance. After the capture of the ICSMU’s Phoenix head last year the RCSU went a step further as it is currently holding onto City and Guild Union’s Bolt and Spanner and the ICSMU’s Phoenix feet. However, it pains me to say that our beloved mascot Theta was violated as well and one of its four parts is currently in the hands of the dirty engineers in CGCU.

After numerous failed attempts by the engineers to steal Theta during freshers fair they finally struck gold (or steel) when I was taking Theta apart. Michele Tonutti, the CGCU Events Officer ran off with a pole while someone else ran off with the bulb. By the time the bulb had been recovered, Michele was safely away to the CGCU office, which was only a flight of stairs away. The irony of the situation is that Theta was being taken apart just so it can be safely put away.

Further efforts were made by other committee members to find a way to make Theta whole and once we realized that our effort was going in vain, the committee decided to exact revenge on the CGCU by stealing their mascot. Despite CGCU members’ watchful eye, RCSU Events Officer Ali Ibrahim was able to swipe the 35kg Bolt and bolted for the door where he met resistance in the form of Michele Tonutti. But at this point a six-way tussle broke out near the Mech Eng entrance to Dalby Court as other RCSU committee members rushed to Ali’s help. They helped to pin Michele down on the floor and Ali was able to safely flee with the bolt. Michele was later seen distraught alongside Bolt bearer Yuchen Wang. Furthermore on Wednesday night, CGCU’s hope of salvaging any form of pride vanished as their Spanner was captured. With the Spanner bearer Melanie Singh intoxicated, I was able to convince her to let me borrow her college card, which gave me a sure-fire way into the CGCU office. While on a mission to retrieve Theta, I found the Spanner carelessly lying on the floor. Unable to find Theta’s missing part I decided to make-do with the Spanner, which leaves CGCU mascotless. In other news, during Fresher’s Fair the Medics also lost a part of their mascot to RCSU. During mid-day Ali and I made our way to SAF for reconnaissance as we tried to locate Phoenix. At this point we were spotted by some medics and were escorted out of the area. However, I was cunningly lying in wait and went back half an hour later to find the feet of the Phoenix carelessly lying under one of the desks. I made a quick grab for it and made a run for it before the medics could realise what hit them. The ransom demands for the Phoenix are the first four terms of the mascot negotiations where “CGCU” is to be replaced by “ICSMSU”.

RCSU President James Tsim wants to use this chance to issue a warning to all the faculty unions that the RCSU’s love for Theta is eternal and the lengths we’ll go to protect it is immeasurable. As evident by the mascotless CGCU’s hopeless situation, anyone who tries to violate Theta should know that the RCSU will show no mercy. We will look for you, we will find you, and we WILL HAVE REVENGE.

The RCSU is issuing the following ransom demands to CGCU:

1. The CGCU President will come to the next RCSU Bar Night and do a Fresher’s Yard.
2. An E-mail must be sent out to the Faculty by the President where the sole purpose of the e-mail is to accept RCSU’s superiority.
3. £200 must be donated to RCSU Rag.
4. The CGCU will buy a keg for the next RCSU Bar Night.
5. The missing part of Theta will be safely returned.
6. The President and the Spanner and Bolt Bearers must go through a form of public shaming at the next RCSU Bar Night where they must stand at the entrance in ragged clothes and hang their heads in shame while wearing signs around their necks claiming RCSU’s superiority.