University Drinking and Sex League Tables released

Student Beans, the self-proclaimed “essential part of student life”, released the results of their Student Drinking University League Table 2012 last week. They also released their Sex League Table over the summer. In both surveys, Imperial were towards the bottom.

To those of you who used Felix’s own Felix Sex Survey to bemoan the state of your lives at Imperial (look out for this year’s Sex Survey later on in the year), this can be an opportunity to think of those less fortunate than even yourselves in these wintery months. Also, as this is a fair and balanced news article, this has got nothing on the Felix survey. There’s not even a question on the subject of alternative library usage!

Only “4,656 sexually active” students were questioned, which is a low proportion of the total student population

In the drinking survey Imperial students rank closer to the bottom of the list than the top, at 56th place out of 74. According to Student Beans the average Imperial student consumes 16.4 units of alcohol. This is below the NHS guidelines for men and is borderline for women (the “too much” guidelines rather than sticking to your five-a-day). Of course young adults may be more susceptible to alcohol damage and this isn’t official advice, so don’t take this as an excuse to drink more.

In the drinking survey Imperial... [ranks] at 56th place out of 74

The survey has some questionable aspects. Imperial consumption has apparently shot up from 11 units pe rweek from last year’s survey by an extra 5 units per week. This would mean that in 12 months the average alcohol intake at Imperial has risen by over 35%, although it is possible that freshers have “gone wild”.

More likely is that there are failings in the Beans’ methodology. A contributory factor may be surveying “students who drink alcohol”, thus excluding large numbers of teetotallers. The survey, however, does place Queen’s University Belfast top of drinking. You can decide for yourself what’s going on there.

Let’s talk about sex baby. In the Beans’ Sex League Imperial places 77th out of 101. According to the table Imperial Students have had 2.88 sexual partners since starting university. With absolutely no description at all on how fractions of people are having sex with each other.

Imperial’s relatively low position will generally not surprise readers and invoke the ominously old joke about “the ratio”. But the revelation that Imperial ranks higher than 24 other universities surveyed may raise some eyebrows whose owners thought they were in the bottom of the student pile.

This would mean that in 12 months the average alcohol intake at Imperial has risen by over 35%, although it is possible that freshers have “gone wild”

The Sex League does make an analogous mistake to the Drinking League’s only surveying alcohol drinkers. Only “4,656 sexually active” students were questioned, which is a low proportion of the total student population. With last year’s Felix Sex Survey revealing that 18% of the student body have not had sex, the Student Beans’ survey is clearly skewed in favour of boosting Imperial up the table.

Thus there are sufficient flaws to make the bemoaners happy not to be happy again with this new incarnation of the Sex League (a phrase that is beginning to sound like a band of off-colour superheroes).

In related news, UCL ranked 37th out of 101 with student sex frequency. Jammy buggers. Shame they can’t replicate that form in academic rankings.