IC Football get hot and sweaty in Brighton

Airborne rangers began to assemble in our illustrious union from 1PM on Friday 16th November. An impromptu Nando’s wade left our stomachs full of chicken, our appetites whetted for the weekend ahead and our dreamy ex-club captain alone. As the tourists arrived and the first beers of the weekend were consumed there was one notable absentee: an extremely late drop out by Dale, citing commitments to his biological studies, left the congregation delighted. The pengest of tour shirts were distributed and the most entertaining of journeys began. It is rare that the two worlds of public transport and ICUAFC’s first sport collide but when they do carnage is certain to ensue: Train Box was met with bewilderment by commuters, awkward smiles by young mothers and delight by the present airborne rangers. A bout of silent box and a lullaby of Bohemian Rhapsody, led by Watkin’s soothing tones, sent the baby to sleep whilst an origami swan was presented meaning public relations were maintained and Rochester will never again pass a CRB check. By our arrival in Brighton whistles had been whetted and mini tour had well and truly began. The bus to the hostel involved a rousing rendition of airborne ranger whilst a failed Klinsmann attempt by Stillwell left onlookers wincing.

Our first night in the beautiful city began with matchbox pairs leading to widespread animosity between freshers and old boys. An exception to this was the pairing of Murphy and Watkin who struck up a certain romance (in the library). Pints of the dirtiest variety were consumed. Murphy, thinking this punishment was not enough, decided to provide his own natural punishment (in the Library). The disappearance of this pint remains one of the many weekend’s mysteries. Then, dancing shoes were donned and the group headed out to one of Brighton’s premier venues where highlights included knee slides and Wright’s frank confessions to a member of the opposite sex. Bennett and Dabbagh decided it was their lucky night and headed out into the night to win big. The casino’s security guards had other ideas. After a civilised exchange of views, one particularly frustrated bouncer took it upon himself to violently throw Dabbagh from the roof of the tallest building in Brighton (although on further inspection of the sight of the crime it became clear that the fall had been wildly exaggerated). The absence of Schon at the hostel set minds racing about the potential for providing shoulders to cry on leading to his reappearance being greeted with mixed emotions.

The Saturday of the weekend saw ICUAFC’s big game against Brighton and Hove Medical School. Peacock gave room 15 a treat and they were scarred by the view. From the afternoon’s forced pints the group headed to the game. Thanks to Bennett’s exceptional knowledge of his hometown and ability to fend off multiple questions with ease we arrived at the venue promptly and with Bennett’s house still unfound. 36 man headers and Volleys, a patented Smithy warm-up and shouts of “TK Maxx” left the squad raring to go. The game started as a cagey affair with Beasley’s work rate being questioned and Bizzell failing to hit any barn doors with his trusty banjo. The game changed with the introduction of Cann. Refusing to rest on past tour successes Cann brought a breath of fresh air to proceedings and he undoubtedly had some involvement in ICs first goal which Maizonnier finished with aplomb after a swift breakaway and through ball from Murphy (from the Library). Cue delight amongst the 25 subs/backroom staff/fans. Stillwell’s introduction only tightened Cann’s grip on the game and IC reached half time with a comfortable 1-0 lead. Wholesale changes at half-time led to IC losing their flow slightly despite Stillwell’s tireless efforts and well-timed challenges in midfield. As the pressure on the IC goal mounted the medics made it count as their striker evaded the attentions of Wright and fired his shot through the legs of the otherwise outstanding Mason in goal. The disgust of Bennett as he left the pitch epitomised the frustration of the team. Cue another round of substitutions from Milo “the tinker man” McGrath. The second coming of Murphy (to the Library) swung the game back into ICs favour and, with a relatively small amount of time remaining, IC made the decisive breakthrough. Butt played a trademark outside of the foot pass wide to Maizonnier whose deep cross from the right was met at the back post by a marauding Jarvis who volleyed home impeccably. Celebrations resembling a game of FIFA (other football simulators are available (but are shit)) left no doubt over which team had put the most preparation into the game. The final whistle sounded and IC were victorious. Man of the match was awarded to Mason for his tireless standing and saving whilst McGrath’s insightful tactics, most notably the pioneering 3-3-1-3 formation, were deservedly praised.

However, as we headed out Mason’s mind must still have been on his fine performance as his box play was atrocious much to Bennett’s disgust. Meanwhile, Murphy and Watkin exchanged wedding vows over Jaeger bombs (in the Library), the captain player relationship between Stillwell and Lawson completely broke down with a moist outcome and Wright reacted violently to all the fun (fortunately medical professionals were on hand). ICUAFC showed their creative side by producing a work of art. Notable contributors included Maizonnier, Murphy and Butt who eloquently named their creation “cubicle three”. Searle was determined to make the most of the night, after some crafty watch work allowed him free entry, and set about repelling the female population of Brighton with a manoeuvre that become known as “The crab”. Tensions between two of the party’s ethnic minorities rose leading to an exchange of bodily fluids whilst Adelowo had a night to forget ending up being assaulted by his own bed after making some bold and slightly disturbing claims. As eyes became bleary and thoughts turned to bed a late night breakfast wade was clearly in order. Whilst Dabbagh marvelled at the burger and chips sneaked onto his plate, Ogunbiyi’s love of Chicken drew the attentions of the door staff. Fortunately, before the riot van was called, the bouncer settled the argument by sharing Ogunbiyi’s love of the meat and silencing Cann. Meanwhile, Murphy had decided the hostel was too far away and sought alternative accommodation with a sea view (in the Library) and Stillwell and McGrath attempted to fake the death of Watkin. Friends and family of Watkin were said to be convinced by a text stating “I am dead” much to Watkin’s amusement. A late night episode of George Bizzell’s story time was the perfect end to an eventful evening.

On Sunday morning the airborne rangers were woken byshouts of “come in, it’s open!” and the Sun streaming in through the windows of the hostel whilst a heated debate over the age old question of sitting or standing erupted in room 105. There was just time for a stroll along the seafront and a trip to Brighton’s famous pier where plastic horses amused for hours, Dabbagh was successful on the teddy picker and Lambe and Bennett duelled on an air hockey table: it was a cagey affair with neither player really dominating the early stages with the turning point being an extraordinary triple wall bounce goal to which Bennett had no reply. Before we knew it we had left the sea air behind us and returned to London with new Facebook friends, relationships in tatters and some sights we may never be able to forget.