Hockey: Men’s 2s remain unbeaten

The Men’s 2nd XI are currently experiencing a season of two halves. Going into the latest BUCS match against Roehampton Mens’ 1s in the home fixture having beaten them comprehensively 4-1 at the start of the season, we sit at the top of the league unbeaten with 3 wins and 1 draw, and not having played the league leaders yet. In ULU we are sitting squarely at the bottom, with 3 defeats.

A shakeup in the squad due to the rock that is Tinkerbell making a step up to the 1st XI; Unterbrøw deciding to contract an STI; and Doctor Fresher Tom twisting his knee the day before the match, meant we had lost our two central defenders and a key central midfielder. Luckily to plug this huge hole in our back four, we had our team captain B. Man Briggs, and esteemed fresher Meatspin coming in from right and left back respectively into the centre.

We came out of the blocks early and fast. Some great passing down the right and left wings led to the some great attacking plays. Within the first ten minutes our infamous 70% defensive press paid off and Dirty Whaler pilfered the ball from under the nose of the Roehampton left-back, promptly passing it to the newly bar-named Captain Slow who was lingering on the baseline. Some silky skills into their circle later, he pulled a pass back to Fresher Joe who slotted it into the goal past their keeper.

Having poked our noses in front, we revelled in being awarded yet more short corners in their circle– however our esteemed corner striker C. Bell fired blanks and we were unable to capitalise on the proverbial campsite we had set up around their goal.

Consistently we were again unable to use the huge amounts of possession or the territory we kept gaining by pressing their defensive lines, which is something we should definitely work on at future training sessions. It took a breakaway counterattack by Roehampton’s sneaky centre midfielder to shoot towards goal, forcing an excellent save from Glory Hole. The ball fell to B. Man Briggs and in classic defensive fashion, he spanked the ball into a Roehampton player’s ankle. The umpire rightly gave a free hit to Imperial, despite the howls of pain of the Roehampton striker. At this point we experienced an interlude in play, while we waited for an ambulance to turn up. After half an hour of waiting around with icepacks, tinfoil and warm clothes, however, the ambulance never arrived due to the injury apparently not being severe enough to merit one and he was carried off the pitch by his teammates. Ironically, the same injured Roehampton player actually broke his thumb the last time he played us at the beginning of last term.

The second half was pretty much yet more Imperial domination, with some moments of brilliance by Roehampton’s midfielders more than matched by Soggy Biscuit’s magic tackle at the back. This is also when the half an hour “break” started to take its toll on us. As Dirty Whaler noted in his post-match comments, it was due to the accumulation of Christmas-induced layers of fat. A couple of members of the team such as Yellowbag seized up with cramp, leaving us to play Total Hockey, constantly switching in and out of each others’ positions in midfield.

Towards the end, IC experienced a barrage of attacks and short corners, and it was a tribute to our strength and depth that our solid sellotaped makeshift defence held out to the finish line. Eventually the game finished with the score at 1-0 to Imperial, and our unbeaten record in the BUCS league was further cemented.