How to: Survive the iCU Cinema All-Nighter

It has returned. It’s coming to the end of term and just when you thought you might look forward to a bit of shut-eye, BAM! iCU Cinema phwacks you in the gut with an All-Nighter. Six films, back-to-back, from the early evening to 6am the next morning, or until the projectionist goes insane and feeds his hair into the projector, whichever comes first.

One might reasonably ask, “How on earth does one survive such a test of endurance?” Well, it just so happens that I prepared a thorough and completely unscientific guide to all those who dare accept the iCU Cinema All-Nighter challenge.

Mission: Impossible?

Before I begin, let me reassure you: it is possible. Almost. There are rumours that Chuck Norris made it to the second-to-last film before falling serenly asleep in his chair, mumbling something about “roundhouse kicking Joseph Kony before it was cool”. To give yourself the best chance of making it all the way through the night, it’s essential that you get a good night’s sleep on Monday. You may have read articles about how the 8-hour sleep is unnatural, and you need two seperate sections of sleep with sex in between (or reading, whatever). For the All-Nighter you’ll need to be in bed on Monday at 6pm and not rise from your comatose slumber until Tuesday 1:37pm (at the earliest).

Coffee is your friend

Of course, being the independent-minded and strong-willed Imperial students that you are, you may choose to ignore my sleep advice. I would warn you to do so at your own peril, and to hell with you, but my colleagues at iCU Cinema are more sympathetic. Hot, fresh coffee is piped in from the fields of South America via a mind-bendingly long pipe that looks mysteriously like a jar of Nescafe, a paper cup, and some scalding hot water... The crack-like caffeine is your only weapon against the oblivion of sleep so use it; but use it wisely.

Ah, one other thing – tea and beer are also on sale. Certainly they are more delicious than coffee, and the beer is likely to make even Puss in Boots a riotous laugh, but help you stay awake until the morning, they do not...

The girl with the pillow

Have you ever been to one of those fancy cinemas that have sofas instead of normal seats? They’re awesome, aren’t they? A truly luxurious cinematic experience. iCU Cinema is not one of those cinemas. More than 12 hours sitting on the Union’s standard-issue fold-out seats will do ghastly things to your body that would see even the hardiest Medic run for the hills screaming, “THERE IS NO GOD!” Pro-tip: bring a pillow, bring a duvet; heck, wear pyjamas and bust out those man-uggs you keep pretending you don’t have.

Moneyballs

Imagine the scenario: it’s around 2am, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo has just finished, and you’re all feeling a bit abused, both by the film and by the fact that you’re now three films in. You’re buying a cup of tea when the hot guy or girl beside you realises they haven’t got change for a Pot Noodle. Jackpot! Swoop in with a couple of 50p coins and a cool remark about how “the original Swedish version was way better” and, hail mary!, you’ve got a duvet buddy. Note: if you don’t bring some change, this will never happen and you’ll never find happiness... ever.

Puss in bed

I might as well go ahead and put this out there now: you can pretty much write off anything you were planning to do on Wednesday. That includes: lectures; that super-important meeting with your project supervisor, and that lunch with your boyfriend/girlfriend that you totally promised to not be late for. The crazy shit that summoned the dead from their graves in Dawn of the Dead won’t be enough to get you out of bed after the All-Nighter. Your only other option is to go hard and just power through with crack-caffeine, because as soon as you go home you’re done.

If you’re planning on coming to the iCU Cinema All-Nighter, tweet @iCU_Cinema and let us know how the preparations are going. The fact that you will have tweeted us is a bad sign; you should be asleep, charging your batteries!