IC beat Subway sellers

It was a cold frosty morning; luckily the weather was a little more stable than Frosty’s stomach walls. Beasley faced a huge debate though: to wear a layer underneath or not. Sacrifice warmth and endure the possibility of nipple chaffing, or lose vital fluids. It was a tough choice, almost on par with the age-old optimal banana consumption time and optimal shower temperature. We got out on to the pitch well before the opposition, making sure to lock all of our lectures notes in a safe. As we were warming up, the second half of Westminster 1s arrived, opting to jump out over a barbed wire fence rather than walking round to the actual entrance – clearly a bright bunch. I hope they’re a little smarter when I tell them what I want in my Subway. Wanting to bounce back from two 1-0 defeats, high pressing, hard work and plenty of chat were on the agenda. Dale was missing from the warm up, which has become the norm on a Wednesday night. Captain Robinson led the pressure from the front, shouting out multiple orders at their back four who scrambled to find the BLT. Rumour has it he only takes girls to Subway to see if they can handle a foot long. Vicious. The pressure from the team was starting to pay off as Westminster panicked at the back and they had no outlet on the pitch. Instead they had a lump up top, but all of that muscle meant nothing as Diaz and Amjad didn’t even have to come out of first gear to beat him to the ball. His touch was terrible, and Westminster were routinely broken down. We ended the first half well on top, passes were slick, wingers were skinning defenders and Crawford had resisted the temptation to wade in to the Children’s Activity Centre. All we lacked was a goal. The second half almost delivered one instantly. From the restart, Cherif played a ball in behind to Murphy who latched on to it and fizzed it invitingly across the box, with Robinson just getting his first time finish the wrong side of the left post. It was promising from IC, who needed a goal more than the Union needs efficiency. IC continued with high pressing and were awarded a few free kicks, but when nothing was coming to fruition, we stayed disciplined and kept plugging away. Murphy then won another free kick on the edge of the box. After squandering a few free kicks previously, he had to make this one count, and he did. Sending the future Subway employee that was their goalkeeper sprawling across the goal to try and reach the ball, his efforts were pointless as the ball went in off the far post. IC erupted like a virgin reaching a climax; all the hard work had paid off and there was definitely the capacity for more goals. IC were creating loads of chances, slipping balls in behind their back four, however the aforementioned lump, with a touch that would get him on a particular register, decided that ejaculating wasn’t the only thing he would be doing prematurely today. Now in the role of linesman he was flagging absolutely every through ball to Robinson offside, but, to be fair, he probably didn’t know the offside rule. It’s not a problem though, as I’m sure they have plenty of ketchup, salt and pepper in Subway for him to learn. Bend It Like Beckham. With IC’s unique brand of high pressing football beginning to take a toll on them, the game started to open up a bit, although Westminster’s non existent knowledge of the offside rule ran throughout their whole team, as they were caught offside multiple times by a militant back four. IC almost extended the lead to 2-0 as Captain Robinson pulled off a diving header, but wanted it a little bit too much and sent the ball in off his hands. The last 10 minutes were a bit shaky but with the deployment of Crawford and Beasley we saw the game out well.