Nicholas Sparks: vom-inducing one-trick pony (spoiler alert)

Message in a Bottle - 1999

The Photogenic Couple: Kevin Costner and Robin Wright

The Plot: She is the journalist who discovers intriguing messages in a bottle (duh) in the sand and tracks down the writer of these letters, a widower mourning the death of his wife. They meet and start to fall in love, although it’s not too long before he discovers her secret with regards to how she managed to find him in the first place.

The Puke-worthy Twist: They have a fight after he uncovers her sneaky, journalistic ways, but before he can come back, apologise and make up, he dies in a sailing accident whilst trying to heroically save someone. A story she’s told by his elderly father. And with him there’s the final letter he wrote, confessing his love for her. Boo-hoo.

A Walk to Remember - 2002

The Photogenic Couple: Shane West and Mandy Moore

The Plot: He is the bad boy who has to join the lame high-school drama club to avoid expulsion. He meets a cute, well-behaved girl there and they start dating, with the moody angry young lad showing signs of changing his sinful ways with his charming new girlfriend, and he decides that school isn’t so bad after all .

The Puke-worthy Twist: She has leukaemia and is close to dying. He fulfills her dying wishes, and in the end she does die of course, but not before spending the perfect summer honeymoon with her new husband. He then enrolls in medical school (it’s that easy), and it all gets very religious with the whole “God sent me to you” type nonsense.

Dear John - 2010

The Photogenic Couple: Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried

The Plot: He’s the soldier on vacation, she’s the doe-eyed college student on spring break.She drops her bag in the sea, he goes to rescue it for her, and for that she is eternally grateful. They start dating, and he even considers quitting the army, although that’s before the terrorists knock down the Twin Towers.

The Puke-worthy Twist: His father has Hollywood-dementia, she has another love interest who isn’t thousands of miles away, but has lymphoma instead. They both die, and with these annoying obstacles out of their way for good, they appear to rekindle their romance in what can be considered an ambiguous ending but isn’t really.

The Last Song - 2010

The Photogenic Couple: Liam Hemsworth and Miley Cyrus

The Plot: She’s the grumpy musical genius who hates life, lacks passion in life, and has serious daddy issues, he’s the handsome beach volleyball playing hunk who falls for the city girl. He slowly starts melting her ice-cold heart, which also paves the way for the dysfunctional father-daughter relationship to improve.

The Puke-worthy Twist: Her father is ill (cancer that spreads), and dies, but not before finishing his musical composition masterpiece that he wrote specifically for his daughter. The young couple do stay together however, as she decides to accept her place in Julliard, and he gets a transfer to Columbia University. They’re just so clever and talented, that’s all.

The Notebook - 2004

The Photogenic Couple: Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams

The Plot: They’re hot, they’re young, they meet in the summer, they share a passionate moment, they split apart, they misunderstand, they move on with others, but eventually find their way back to each other again. They’re initially divided by wealth, social classes and many, many intercepted love letters, but love does conquer all.

The Puke-worthy Twist: It’s narrated from the future, where the older version of the man is telling the story to his wife who has Hollywood-dementia (only becoming lucid, then senile again at the most perfect opportunities for the corniest, cheesiest narrative impact). And how does the elderly couple die in the end? In each other’s arms...urgh.

Nights in Rodanthe - 2008

The Photogenic Couple: Richard Gere and Diane Lane

The Plot: She is the divorced, frustrated ex-wife and mother, he is the traumatised, guilt-ridden surgeon. With these kinds of emotional baggage, the two connect almost instantly, sharing in their pain when he checks in as a guest in a bed-and-breakfast she’s looking after for a friend. You’re never too old to embark on a romantic journey, it seems.

The Puke-worthy Twist: Whilst separated as he goes on yet another emotionally-charged trip to mend the fences with his estranged son, he dies in a mudslide. The news is delivered by his son who thanks her for bringing back the father he knew when he was a child. She’s delirious of course, but soon she gets over it, after she sees some horses thundering by. Yay.

The Lucky One - 2012

The Photogenic Couple: Zac Efron and Taylor Schilling

The Plot: He’s the wounded soldier looking for a peaceful life, she’s the woman who indirectly saved his life in Iraq (a seemingly random picture of her distracted him whilst the rest of his team was getting bombed). He keeps this a secret and approaches her, developing close relationships with both her and her cute son.

The Puke-worthy Twist: Her picture was intended for her now-dead brother, which makes things slightly awkward. She has an ex-husband who is a touch abusive and hot-tempered. The ex reveals the male protagonist’s secret, but before he can do further damage, he, too, dies, making everything all-so easy now for the two to carry on as normal.

Safe Haven - 2013

The Photogenic Couple: Josh Duhamel and Julianne Hough

The Plot: She’s the helpless victim running away from her abusive, alcoholic police officer husband, he’s the widower with kids and a tortured soul. She also meets a kind neighbour who helps her through these tough times. He could really be the new fresh start she’s been looking for and yes, her husband does track her down, but she ends up shooting him.

The Puke-worthy twist: Possibly the worst offender of all - remember that friendly neighbour she became close with? Turns out she’s the GHOST of the guy’s dead wife. Even in her afterlife, she wants what’s best for her husband who’s been left behind. It’s creepy, clingy, not at all smart or touching, and almost ruins what already was a flimsy film.