Not drowning but waving?

A depleted ICUAFC 1s team made the long journey down to Canterbury for the second time this season; a trek so long that Frodo and Sam would have called it quits once they had inevitably run out of lembas bread. Amjad, Wedemeyer and Cherif Jnr were notable absentees, and with Murphy (Imperial’s resident wildlife expert) in the Library and captain Woodhead out with a broken nail, the team had a fresh new look to it. Thomas and Dabbagh were called up from the 2s to make their first appearances for the 1s this season, whilst new recruit Jones was looking to impress. Imperial started the day top of the BUCS league on 9 points from a possible 12, with Canterbury in joint 2nd, making at least a draw imperative. Minds wandered back to 2 months before where a defensive masterclass allowed Imperial to advance to the 3rd round of the BUCS cup on penalties, something that Canterbury were sure to remember.

The journey to Mordor, I mean Canterbury, took the best part of five months, and upon arrival most players had forgotten the purpose of the journey. Having had their memories refreshed, a warm up took place for the purpose of getting accustomed to the interesting and dynamic terrain. The pitch was composed of approximately 15 parts water to one part grass which would serve to level the, ironically, uneven playing field; a gale force wind added to the interesting conditions. With Murphy absent, much of the interesting flora and fauna on the side of the pitch went unnoticed, much to the disappointment of approximately no one. Due to the aforementioned changes in personnel, Hill was moved to centre back with Cherif Snr, with Thomas given the nod at right back and Nielsen completing the back row. Tim ‘Smithy’ Beasley was alongside Jones in midfield with Maizonnier and Tofis on the flanks. Robinson and Bjorkstrand started up front together, in what has recently been a partnership more fruitful than the Garden of Eden.

Imperial lost the toss and thus were designated to spend the first half in the deep end of the pool (pitch); a combination of bogginess (akin to the Dead Marshes, North-West of Mordor, minus the randomly strewn dead war victims), a prominent head wind and Apollo’s mocking rays of light would make for a tricky first 45 minutes. From the off Imperial were made to soak up pressure in precisely the same way that the pitch didn’t soak up water. Robinson was lively up top, making intelligent runs despite the abuse received from the Canterbury staff and subs, many of whom had the unique accolade of having IQs smaller than their shoe size. Although the conditions favoured Canterbury few clear cut chances were created by either team; that was until Canterbury decided that what they really wanted was to let in a goal. A Canterbury goal kick was taken short to the defender who, in a surprising turn of events, played a sumptuous through ball to Bjorkstrand. Bjorkstrand rounded the keeper before placing the ball into the bottom corner with his left foot. The lack of celebration from Imperial was a textbook example of how the team fully expected him to score. His strike drew him level with goalkeeper Garner for number of goals scored for ICUAFC this season.

The goal seemed to kick start Canterbury who applied sustained pressure for the next 10 minutes. With half time approaching, a Canterbury player, recently nominated for the Fallon D’Floor award, went down under the mere presence of right back Thomas. The referee, who up until this point had been anonymous, decided this was the chance to kick start his acting career and took centre stage by awarding a penalty. The penalty was dispatched, with Garner remaining fixated in the mud like some kind of hapless Medusa victim (or maybe like those trolls in the Hobbit when Gandalf splits the rock and they get turned to stone by sunlight; basically something like that). The first half ended, but not before Jones managed to acrobatically head a Canterbury corner over his own bar from a yard out, even managing to draw praise from some of the opposition.

Half time gave Imperial a chance to catch their breath. At this point a draw was widely considered a good score, given the conditions. It was widely agreed that the advantages of being at the other end second half would provide an excellent opportunity to get a win.

The effect of changing halves was instantly noticeable and Imperial started to dominate. Not long after the restart, a cynical foul on Nielsen allowed Hill the opportunity to float a sumptuous ball through to Jones who marked his debut with a Jack Nicklaus-esque chip over the keeper; 2-1 Imperial. Imperial were as desperate to get a third goal as Odysseus was to once again reach his homeland of Ithica after the battle of Troy but, ultimately, chances were few and far between. Bjorkstrand, with his taste of glory (which is in no way foreign to him) whetted by his first, nearly scored his second by attempting to deflect a free-kick into his own goal, but Garner managed to tip it onto the post. Dabbagh replaced Thomas midway through the second period to provide a pair of fresh legs and clean knees. By this point the referee had become relatively apocryphal, something that he very quickly changed. A long ball played through to the Canterbury striker produced no offside flag from sub Thomas who, correctly, waited until the opposition player touched it. The striker finished it bottom corner whilst the referee ignored the offside flag, much to the frustration of the Imperial players. This display of questionable sportsmanship especially upset Hill, who was irate and then calmed down and then became irate again, a cycle that repeated itself multiple times (“much like a Polymerase Chain Reaction” – Amjad). The sense of injustice spurned on Imperial who were looking dangerous on the wings with Tofis and Maizonnier working hard and Nielsen joining in a number of attacks. A corner towards the end of the game evaded everyone and somehow did not end up in the back of the net, punishment for failure to gamble at the back stick.

The full time whistle blew leaving Imperial with mixed emotions; 2 points dropped seemed more appropriate than one point gained. Ultimately the draw was enough to maintain top spot in the league at the half way stage of the league and may yet prove to be vital point come the end of the season.

Garner was voted man of the match, increasing his lead at the top of Imperial’s very own Fantasy Football but Jones made a very promising debut and, despite the result, the team put in one of the better performances of the season. The journey back is ongoing, and the team are expected back shortly before the summer ball.