Sex: a direct approach

"Can I come on your tits?” – I thought this was a somewhat forward request for our first night together but personally I’m quite sexually liberated and as a result didn’t think much to it. Well not until later when he asked to come on my face. Don’t get me wrong It’s not that I have anything against experimental ejaculation per se, hell I think it’s kind of hot. However, it did strike me as pretty unorthodox coming from someone I’d only met a couple of times. What if I’d been a demure, reserved kind of girl, who only enjoyed missionary and spooning? And whilst I think it’s fair to assume that I don’t exactly exude timid wallflower, the question remains: what made this guy think it was okay to make such a request?

Fast forward a couple of weeks later, I met up with a guy from my past – I wasn’t sure what to expect; there had always been flirtation between us but it had never led anywhere. However, plied with wine and nostalgia and having missed the last tube home, we both knew what was going to go down. The sex itself was a combination of the non-committalness of a one night stand with comforting familiarity of long standing affection -– It wasn’t mind blowing but pleasant enough all the same. From a purely clinical standpoint, it was a pretty standard shag, no crazy karma-sutra inspired moves or kinky add-ons but again as he reached climax the same request was made!

Now the object of this article is not to describe the pros and cons of cumming-on-titts. Whilst I realise some women (maybe even most women) would consider an act of this nature degrading or humiliating, I liked it. The bottom line is I loved the fact they both had the balls to ask for what they wanted, it was a massive turn on. And this lead me to thinking, generally, why aren’t we more vocal about our sexual desires?

Come on ladies, let’s be honest we’ve all faked an orgasm or at the very least feigned more enthusiasm than we felt. Personally, I don’t have enough digits to count the number of times I thought to myself – ‘I wish he would just...’ but then decided to bite my tongue. The worst has to be when you’re faced with inevitable post-coital ‘was that good for you?’ – How do you break it to someone that no, three minutes of missionary did not rock your world?

Sex (or at least good sex) tends to fall into two categories; emotional sex and hedonistic sex. Emotional sex is when the act is underpinned by emotional attachment – what some people chose to call making love (vom). Conversely, hedonistic sex is sex for sex’s sake and is largely confined to physical gratification and immediate sensory pleasures.

However in both cases it seems absurd not to be direct about what you enjoy. If it’s emotional sex, you should feel close enough to the person to be candid about your sexual desires. If it’s hedonistic sex, ultimately you should both be out to maximise pleasure and as a result be equally vocal. So why is it that so many of us feel too ashamed or shy to ask for what we want?

In light of these recent musings, I’ve pledged to be transparent about my sexual likes and dislikes. I now make a point of asking what my partner likes and then make some suggestions as to what might enjoy. So far this approach yielded highly satisfying results. Like so many things in life, it seems sex is very much a matter of ‘if you don’t ask you don’t get’

Having said that, maybe it’s just something about the way I act that makes guys think I want them to jizz all over me. Not sure.