E-lighting up

Others in the Felix Office will vouch for this. My first words on smoking my allocated e-cigarette were, “this tastes like smoking a dusty egg in a sauna”. In my all too numerous returns to the device I never managed to elucidate a more pithy nor precise description of the experience. As you can probably tell by now, this review will not be positive. Mine came in a red box, which apparently means regular strength, meaning you get the full eggy experience.

Now, I am on record as being a fairly unabashed smoker. I have inhaled some pretty knarly things in my time from the relatively throat scratchy Gauloises though dodgy Bulgarian counterfeits up to an including, to my smouldering regret, rollies drunkenly assembled from bus tickets (never do that). All of these had a taste which vaguely harked back to something that might have once come from a plant including, technically, that one bread stick (never do that either).

The E-light did not hark back to anything apart from possibly a starch filled swimming pool. See, I never beat the eggs – figuratively. The claim that one charge replaces 30 cigarettes was fairly ludicrous and it is going take a few weeks to repair the damage my street-cred accrued when the guy from the off-licence saw me smoking it on the way home. In conclusion despite what advertisers would have us believe about the bight new dawn of the i-fag, very much like its brethren ebooks, prophylactics and Prii (the plural of Prius – jeez, read a book), the old ways are the most certainly the best. – Meredith Thomas

I chose the menthol flavoured E-Lite for two important reasons: 1) The packet was green 2) Menthol is kind of a goth thing, so I felt I owed it to my subculture. When I smoke, which isn’t often, I really want my nicotine the very instant I start smoking. Finding my lighter and igniting the damn thing is as much of a delay as I can tolerate, so I really don’t appreciate having to coax the cigarette into life by sucking on it until it warms up. Nobody wants to feel like a fluffer from a 1970’s porn studio.

Other than that, the only real complaint I have is that I found myself incapable of putting it down. They’re supposed to be healthier, but not when you have the sudden ability to smoke anywhere and at any time. In the week and a half before it ran out of puff (chortle), I think I probably took in around three times my usual level of nicotine.

Don’t get me wrong, these things are awesome, and I’m starting to wonder how I ever went to the library without one, but it’s just not the same as a real cigarette. There’s no feeling of warmth, there’s no feeling of triumph as you display your mastery of fire, and, most importantly, it doesn’t look nearly as cool. –Frank Machin

If you are a smoker and wish to quit, visit <http://smokefree.nhs.uk/ >for more information and help.