In defence of Justin Bieber

I love Justin Bieber. There, I said it, I outed myself as a Belieber. I am a self-confessed fan of The Biebs. I know that this proclamation generally elicits a fairly strong reaction, but let me defend this view before you cast me out to the place where Directioners go to die.

So I’ll start with his music. This is probably his weakest point, let’s be honest. It’s mostly pretty terrible, designed to draw out those girlish squeals from teenage girls. The vast majority of the songs that he releases in the States do fairly badly here; you never hear them on the radio or played in public places (except maybe TammyGirl, or wherever these just-about-pre-pubescent girls shop these days). Despite this, it’s hard not to admit that some of his songs are distressingly catchy. You might find the vocals grating, but who doesn’t love a bit of Baby (baby baby oh) now and again? The horrendously cheesy video to Beauty and a Beat mars it a bit, but the inappropriate use of Nicki Minaj brings it back, and I’m pretty sure that his music triggers my seratonin production, it makes me happy. While I’m sure that conclusive proof is not priority research, I’m sure it’s not just me that feels this way. Yes, it’s painfully cheesy, but that’s why it’s so wonderful!

His merchandise is a demonstration of some of the most successful marketing in history. He’s made millions from the ability to get little girls to fawn over his products. Every single item that bears his name is arguably horrible, but what it represents is magnificent. I can’t help but admire someone who’s managing to make a fortune and take over the world, purely based on the parental persuasion powers of little girls. Extending from that, he’s so polarising that he’s somehow managed to target the ironic market without damaging his success within it. Serious props to whoever managed to do that!

Yes, these things are part of the Bieber brand, not The Biebster himself. So what about him? The hardcore Beliebers might love him because he’s such a good person, but he’s evidently not a great demonstration of good behaviour. He’s been filmed with a Brazillian prostitute, arrested for racing supercars through the centre of Miami while under the influence of drink, drugs and prescription pharmaceuticals, and had a capuchin monkey confiscated at the German border. His fans regularly threaten and intimidate anyone who they perceive as a threat, and despite their obvious hysteria (at least calling it Bieber Fever sounds vaguely sinister), he hasn’t taken any and all necessary steps to staunch his idolaters. Obviously he’s not someone you should hold up as a shining example, but what nineteen year old is? Few teenagers ever come close to experiencing the levels of fame, money and power that he has. He’s ignorant and completely removed from reality, and any mistakes he makes are magnified a thousand times. He exists in a world where everything he does is publicised immensely, but he is ultimately faultless. Everyone does stupid things when they’re nineteen, but for most people the range of shame extends at most to a couple of degrees of separation.

I’m not saying you should love him for the same reasons that a besotted fourteen year old girl does; he loves his mom, he’s proud of where he comes from, oh he’s just like me, he loves candy too! But don’t hate him because he does stupid things. His purpose is ultimately to entertain, and whether it’s because you’re fawning over him or ripping him to shreds, you’re probably enjoying it. Even if you don’t declare it outwardly, let him have that little warm spot in your heart.

And face it; he’s just damn cute! Look at that little face! Like a foolish, hapless puppy that keeps running into a window or barking at a mirror, I think he’s adorable. I can’t wait to see what ridiculous thing he gets up to next.