Chip(olatas) Off The Ol’ Block

This Valentine’s Day, Felix pays homage to our own population with a closer look at the food that has become one of our running jokes/characteristics...at our expense. Well if you can’t beat them, join them! And in true Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall’s Three Good Things style - or well, thinly veiled saucy references - we include two veg suggestions with each sausage. Mmm mmm.

Disclaimer: Like our population, sausage variety is diverse - we can’t cover them all, so we’ve gone for the underDOGS (hurr) + the British Any omission of your favourite banger is purely due to spacial constraints, not from explicit discrimination of course. Neither are any of the remarks on here supposed to be insults. (We do apologize to our dear Muslim readers in advance, too - most of these are pork products.)

FOOD-RELATED PSA

Felix Food would like to point out that by law, pork sausages need to contain at least 42% meat before they can be called sausages - however you can have up to 30% fat, and that’s what most economy brands do (ick!)

By all means, show your local(ish) butcher/farmers’ market stallholder some love this Valentine’s Day and beyond, as they’re likely to produce their own brilliant bangers on a smaller scale. They’re pricierw, yes, but a choice one or two sausages with good quality meat + high content will be worth more than empty calories from excess rusk/sausage-filler-ingredients. No porkies being told here - promise!

Lap Cheong (Chinese Sausage)

Unlike their human Imperial counterparts, lap cheong (“waxed sausages”) probably get a lot more sun due to the drying/manufacturing process. You don’t consume them in the same way you do with most of the sausages here - they’re more of seasoning or a flavour-packed accent morsel as opposed to a main protein. Like chorizo, a little goes a long way.

Two veggies that go with this sausage: Dice up that sausage into little cubes, stir fry with peas + diced carrots, and add to your (egg) fried rice. We guarantee that little added extra will score you A*s and firsts all around in the culinary realm.

Cumberland

Longcat may be cute, but these long morsels of protein have a history (and probably length) that go way before the beloved 2chan/4chan-worthy feline - plus, you’d get less flack consuming one over the other. These can be up to half a metre long and are traditionally sold in coils (instead of links like most sausages) - plus unlike most British sausages, they tend to be more peppery instead of being herby/sage-dominated (think Lincolnshire etc.) Plus they’ve got to adhere to strict standards before they’re allowed to be called Cumberlands. Lot of premium sausage for your money!

Two veggies that go with this sausage: Leek in a Cumberland sausage casserole is absolutely divine and one of our editor’s favourite comfort meals back in boarding school. Roast butternut squash also works a treat, too.

Chipolata

This poor thin tiny fella is a confused un’ - it’s said to have been first created in France (the name itself is French), but is based on Italian spiced sausages….yet they’re most common in the UK. It’s also been said that chipolata used to refer to a specific sausage mix as well - but we now know them as the thin morsels that are commonly made with lamb cases rather than hog. If there ever was a Sausage United Nations, the Chipolata would probably be a favourite for the Secretary-General role due to its diverse multi-faceted origins. They’re the longer more-grown-up cousin of the uber-miniature cocktail sausages and seem to be more acceptable when served at breakfast. These are typically grilled rather than pan-fried.

Two veggies that go with this sausage: Break the boring sausage-and-beans mould - try them in a stir-fry with sweet peppers which will offset their savoury spice. Alternatively, dice some spring onions and combine together in a fritatta - maybe with some of your other favourite ingredients. Yum.

Vegetarian/Vegan: Glamorgan Sausage, Tofudogs and Quorndogs

Imposters, the last two. We’d even go as far as to say that unless you’re eating traditional Glamorgan sausage (left pic) (Caerphilly cheese, leeks, egg and breadcrumbs - yummy by the way)...don’t even bother with the non-meat options in their “sheep’s clothing.” Sure, they soak up flavour like nobody’s business - veggie/vegan protein is what it is, and we’re not dissing people who make the choice to go meat free - we do that ourselves sometimes. However it doesn’t make a difference eating it in those shapes when it comes with extra unnecessary processing (especially when vegetarians tout that they’ve got healthier diets and we omnivores are going to hell) - save yourselves. We’d take a fresh block of unadulterated tofu, lightly steamed with a soy sauce glaze, over processed tofu-trying-to-replicate-hotdogs any day. Before you diss, we know our tofu - it’s in our blood.

Two veggies that go with this sausage: You’re kidding, right? They’re (mostly) veg themselves as they are! But if you must...think of the usual Sunday roast guests (carrots, cabbage…)