IC 4s gain promotion in style

Saturday 15th March. A date all members of the 4th team had pencilled in their diary for a long time. The season decider awaited. A win would guarantee promotion. Anything else was unimaginable. Fogo had consumed his handful of blueberries and bowl of porridge in order to increase his concentration levels by 15%. A pack of twisters had been gleefully destroyed by the team to obtain optimal glucose levels for the match. Before beginning our journey to #FortressHarlington, we had to wait for the arrival of the tardy Guy Frankel and Alex Cravingdale, who decided they would be even tardier and take about half an hour to grab some food from the library Café. Apparently an ABC (Avocado Bacon Chicken) was key to his recovery from a seemingly traumatic and exhausting two nights out, which included drinking one whole beer on Friday. Such is Cravingdale’s 90210-esque lifestyle.

Nevertheless we arrived in good time and had the pleasure of changing in main Harlington as well as playing on the show pitch in the glorious sun, hoping for a glorious outcome. Africa by Toto played on Dylan’s ‘£3 Ebay speakers, £2 for delivery’ gave us plenty of inspiration if not audio quality. Many bananas were consumed as well as an excellent balance of water and Lucozade sport, a level of pre-match preparation unheard of at university level.

The match started a bit cagily. IC were dominant in possession but not quite so much in territory. They looked quite dangerous on the break with two BBUs up front. A well-positioned Inigo Torres made a vital clearance off the line. However, once the 4s got a foothold in the game, there was no looking back. Fogo’s blueberry and porridge breakfast really looked to be doing the trick, having already looked dangerous in the opening stages, he latched onto a Cravingdale lofted through ball and took the shot ridiculously early in Thierry Henry-esque fashion, bamboozling the goalkeeper as the ball trickled past him into the back of the net. 1-0.

And it wasn’t long before it was 2-0. Every second ball was won by IC, and after a UCL free kick was launched into the IC half, this time was no different. Eventually Edin Dzeko scrambling the ball towards Cravingdale who skinned his left back for not the last time of the match and slotted firmly into the bottom left corner.

IC continued to press and played some mesmerising football. Unafraid to play out from the back and wait for the right moment to break forward, the 4s really began to show their class. Henry Rowett was finding all sorts of space between the lines and Matt Knights played it into his feet, where Henry turned and played a sumptuous through ball between the opposition full back and centre-half, Cravingdale nonchalantly latched onto it, playing an inch-perfect low ‘triple tap x’ cross to Fogo, who slotted once more. 3-0.

And before half time it was 5-0 to IC 4s. Another fast attack down the right won a throw in by the corner flag. The ball went loose but Henry managed to latch onto it and harmlessly prodded it back towards Cravingdale who was 30 yards out in the inside right channel. Of course the obvious thing to do was to ‘Yaya Touré’ it into the top left corner with the instep, and he duly obliged. An outrageous effort.

The fifth was bizarrely similar to the third, a fast break down the right and a low cross, ending in a first half hat trick for Fogo Adelowo. The enigma strikes once more.

Three assists and two goals wasn’t quite enough for Cravingdale to earn the right to play the second half, and he has since gracefully apologized for letting the team down. On came Josh Parsi. We were eager to prove that the first half was no fluke, and wanted to carry on playing confident football with a few more goals. After all, fantasy points were at stake.

We all wanted a bit of the action, and captain/tactical mastermind extraordinaire Chris Schon managed to get his spot on the limelight, latching onto a goalkeeping error from a Dan Gregory corner and bundling the ball into the back of the net. Fogo added two more to his tally with a couple of trademark lobs, one from an exquisite Josh Parsi lobbed through ball.

The game was rounded off by a modern-day miracle. A goal from Guy Frankel. Henry found acres of space in the midfield once more. He turned and received a thunderous shout from Frankel to play one more, which he did. The pass was weighted perfectly, and upon cries of ‘BANG IT’ primarily from Edin Dzeko, Frankel did as he was told and BANGED IT first time from twenty yards into the bottom left corner. 9-0 and the cherry on top of the icing on the cake. Promotion secured in the most emphatic style. Changing room champagne shower and midnight KFC well earned.

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