Overcoming the Distance

The world is getting more globalised and people seem to end up all over the place, smattered here and there like dots of paint. Unfortunately, this also applies to couples, out of necessity or to chase after an opportunity elsewhere. Both sides mean well and they each want the best for each other, but it’s painful for a relationship to be reduced to a window on Skype or a voice over the phone.

Sometimes, the distance is two hours away in another town. Sometimes, it’s on the other side of the world with a different time zone. Sometimes it’s temporary, only as long as a university degree and you’ll see them every holiday. But sometimes the end is so far in the future that you have to accept that this is the way the relationship is going to be.

All forms of long distance relationship (or LDR) are difficult. But with the connected world of the internet, distance between two people will seem closer, evolving into another kind of relationship that doesn’t appear as far as before.

I would know. Ever since we’ve started going out a year and a half ago, my girlfriend and I have mostly spent our relationship separated by a six (sometimes seven) hours time difference. She’ll either be in England while I’m in Thailand or vice versa. The longest we’ve been physically together was three months, and it was those moments that made it definitely worth the wait.

I’m not going to lie; there were a lot of things we had to adjust to cope with the separation. So, at the risk of seeming like an Agony Uncle, here are some tips that would help you maintain a healthy long distance relationship.

Tell each other how you cope

I avoided saying ‘communication’ since this broad term has been used to death in all relationship advice posts. What I mean is just talking about what you prefer or are comfortable with. You’d be surprised with what feels ‘natural’ to each person in a long distance relationship.

Do you like to leave Skype on whenever you get home so you feel that you’re always together? Or do you sometimes try to avoid Skype-ing because it emphasises how far away you are from each other, especially when it’s daytime in one screen and night in another?

You might think that this would bring on some awkward conversations but I feel that this is valuable in avoiding misunderstanding or wrong assumptions. You don’t want to label each other with something that they’re not. Skype-ing or texting daily to keep the warmth alive is not clingy. At the same time, Skype-ing only once in a while with the intention of making every Skype session valuable does not mean they’re becoming cold. People have different ways to adjust to the new situation and it never hurts to make that clear.

Update each other

The scariest thing about long distance relationships is how easy it is to drift apart without even realising it. You may forget to talk about what you’ve been up to for days, then weeks, and before you know it, you have no idea what you’re each up to. Then you begin to lose out of each other’s references and jokes. Suddenly you notice that someone else began to understand them better than you.

That’s our secret fear. However, frequent updates on something so simple as one another’s days can do wonders to keep you connected. It makes the distance seem smaller, as you’ll be able to relate to what he or she is doing and vice versa. Next time you talk will also be much easier since there’ll always be things to pick up on other than how much you miss each other.

Accommodate each other

The two of you will likely have different lives, meeting new people in different settings. You’ll be with different groups of friends doing lots of stuff at different times. And that’s not to factor in time difference in some cases. It will be much harder to organize a time to meet since you’ll both have to be at home in front of a computer.

But compromises must be made on both sides to make time for each other for the reasons in the previous point.

Share new experiences

No doubt you’ve had lots of amazing experience with your significant other while you were together but you can start new experiences by beginning a TV series, book, hobby or even start a new class together.

You will most likely already share a lot of that already, but when you’re apart it’s easy to feel like you can never hang out the same way anymore. True, you can’t be there physically, but you can still do things you’d normally do together, just in different locations. The best thing? It would bring back old times and get you talking the way you would if you were together.

And this doesn’t all have to be indoors stuff. What my girlfriend and I always do when we travel somewhere new is to create a photo diary and send it to each other. That way, it’s almost like you’re seeing those new things together.

Gestures

Now what these gestures mean completely on you. Are you the sweet, dependable or fun type of couple? Do you prefer old-fashioned letters and parcels, mysterious flower deliveries or surprise snapchats? These are helpful as reminders of those times you were together.

Looking for ideas? It’s the easiest thing in the world. I just searched “long distance relationship” in Google and almost everything is relevant. I mean, the first link is a list of 100 activities couples can do while apart. There’s even a whole subreddit where redditors in long distance relationships share their stories or give each other advice.

I can’t lie, I know how difficult long distance relationship is. It’s horrible to have someone you love confined to Skype, the screen just within reach but physically so far away.

But trust me, there are upsides to it. You will appreciate each other so much more, as each moment you spend together becomes so precious you won’t take it for granted. When you’ve come to the light at the end of the tunnel, you’ll both be much stronger for it and you’ll be glad you’ve made the trip.