“Never Have I Ever”: The sexual adventures of Imperial students

The perennially popular drinking game gets easier with the arrival of the sex survey. If you’re looking for an easy way to get people to drink, look no further than the old classics: fuck buddies, and one night stands.

53% of students have had a one night stand, with the males proving more likely to love ‘em and leave ‘em (or at least claim they had). 55% of males said they’d had a one night stand, while 50% of females said the same.

Fuck buddies (or ‘friends with benefits’, for those of you who prefer your no strings attached sex to come with a dash of the ol’ coyness) are almost as popular, with 44% admitting they’d been in an arrangement. It’s an exactly equal divide across the genders, with the same percentage of males and females ‘fessing up to getting all of the fun with none of the consequences. You sex-loving commitment-phobes, you.

There’s also plenty on just how people wanted their sex to play out, with students giving opinions on a veritable smorgasbord of sexual acts. Oral sex ranked at the top of everyone’s list of favourite acts, with 70% liking giving it (and 11% wanting to try giving), and 77% liking receiving (and another 10% wanting to try that). Pretty much all of you like oral sex, it seems, so bear that one in mind next time you indulge in pleasures of the flesh. Felix: giving you sex tips since whenever we started doing this survey.

Nothing else quite matched up: 55% liked receiving hand jobs (but only 40% liked giving them, so someone’s going to be disappointed). 38% liked being fingered, but only 18% liked doing the fingering (pull your finger out and get over yourself, it’s what the lady likes). Anal sex proved even less popular: 25% liked giving (and another 21% want to try), but only 12% like receiving it. Lot of discrepancies in this giving/receiving business. Sex: it’s all about compromise.

It’s also about more than the usual, for some of you at least. 11% of students enjoy a good threesome, while 5% like going one step further into a full-blown orgy. 44% want to try a threesome, while 23% want to try an orgy. We’d suggest you all just hook up, but the survey’s anonymous. We have no idea who you are.

Beyond that, 28% like using restraints in sex, while 30% like using sex toys. Role play is approved of by 18%, while sexting makes an appearance with a 46% like-rate. Sending explicit images is liked by 32%. Meaning two-thirds of you don’t like dick pics. Stop. Stop the dick pics.

As to where that sex, regardless of the relationship status of the participants, might be happening, turns out several students have been getting busy on campus (halls not included). 16% said they’d had sex somewhere on an Imperial campus, including Silwood Park, with 7% of those who’d done the dirty on campus doing said dirty there.

15% of campus sexy-times happened in SAF (medics!), and yet none happened in the Reynolds Building over at Charing Cross Hospital (try harder, medics). 23% of campus sexers threw down in Beit Quad, while 28% got it on in the Union Offices. It’s an open-plan office, guys. You’re disgusting. Not as disgusting as the 1% who indulged in carnal embrace in Eastside Bar, but still pretty disgusting.

Ranking at the other end of the scale, 1% claimed to have done it in the underground tunnels (a question which has spurred a host of wannabes, clamouring to copulate below the surface). No-one (claimed to have) sexed it up in the Ethos pool (thank God), or in the Bessemer building. The prize for biggest disappointment goes to the Bone building, which despite having an obvious innuendo for a name hosted precisely zero fun-loving couples. To all Imperial students: please bone in the Bone building. Then tell Felix. It’s important. Do it for science.