An idiot’s guide to... Summer 2016

Ah, summer. That brief and fleeting moment of respite between the end of one exam period and the start of the next? Well here’s a recap for those of you who either forgot what went down or were on one of those holidays where you’re in a cave for a month because it cleanses your soul.

Brexit

So, we’re out. What now, eh? What came to pass from the EU referendum was, whichever way you cut it, historic. No full country, this deep in the union, has left it before and now we’ve got to deal with the fallout for better or for worse.

This sent the entire country into a bit of a meltdown, one which caused political figures to leave left, right and centre and now we’ve a new Prime Minister (more on that later). 51.9% of voters decided that they wanted to leave the EU and that wish has now to be enacted via triggering “Article 50”. This would then put the Leave vote into law and starts two years (longer if all 28 members agree to extend this) of negotiation as to the terms of our split.

\ May just keeps barking “BREXIT MEANS BREXIT” like a crap dictionary \

When this will all happen is a mystery to all of us and maybe even to the Government itself, Theresa May just keeps barking “BREXIT MEANS BREXIT” like a crap dictionary, and the rest of her Brexit negotiation team (David Davis, Liam Fox, BoJo etc) are following suit.

It’s all a bit cloak and daggers at the moment, apparently so that the other EU nations don’t get the upper hand in negotiations but probably because nobody has a clue. As for what is going to happen with the EU land border in Northern Ireland, the situation with Gibraltar and whether Scotland decide to hold another referendum, your guess is as good as mine.

How does this all affect international students/Erasmus/your InterRailing holiday? Only time will tell, it’s an ever changing landscape.

Government reshuffling

Just hours after the result of the referendum David Cameron decided that enough was enough and he fancied changing his job and moving house, a rather large mid-life crisis when you’re the PM.

Eventually after Boris Johnson and Michael Gove (and a few others) stepped aside, Theresa May stepped into the role, reshuffling the cabinet in the process. George Osborne was demoted, Boris was promoted and various people from both the Leave and Remain sides were brought in to represent the 51% and the 49%.

Dave eventually left his job as an MP altogether, probably being tempted by the large sums of money Tony Blair is raking in. Will he be remembered as the man who started Brexit? Nah, it’ll probably be for the pig incident…

Across the aisle, Labour also had a leadership crisis of their own, with a challenge to Jeremy Corbyn’s leadership coming almost immediately after the decision. After that all hell broke loose, shadow cabinet members were sacked, pretty much all of the remaining ones then resigned and one even tried crawling back once the dust had settled. Chaos.

Eventually after various legal bits were tied up and pretenders to the opposition throne came and went there was a brand new leadership battle between Corbyn and Owen Smith, with the former coming out the victor by a handsome margin.

Now that the infighting has produced a leader the Labour party kind of has two directions to take, either it rallies behind its leader and forms a cohesive opposition or it bickers some more until it splits up into two factions (possibly even going so far as to split into two distinct parties)

Looking a bit further into the future the Government has green-lit two massive projects during all this chaos, the Hinkley Point nuclear power plant and the renewal of Trident (the nuclear weapons system the UK has).

Good news if you’re planning a career in the nuclear industry, slightly worse news if you’re not a fan of playing for electric above the market price or global thermonuclear annihilation (NB: both are only potential outcomes).

Rio 2016

Aside from all this political upheaval and economic uncertainty, the world briefly stopped for a few weeks in August and September as the best Olympians and Paralympians descended on a place which was filled with, well, political upheaval and economic uncertainty.

The games in Rio had been under scrutiny and criticism in the build-up and this sadly carried on throughout the games. Prior to the games a chunk of the government, including the President herself, was caught up in a huge money laundering/corruption scandal involving Petrobras (the state owned oil company).

This coincided with a massive recession in the country and sparked millions of protesters at demonstrations across the country. All in all hardly the idyllic place to hold the quadrennial event.

Russia weren’t allowed their full team to compete either, after the World Anti-Doping Agency uncovered a whole load of doping within Russian athletes, potentially as part of a state sponsored doping initiative. Basically all the track and field athletes were banned from this year’s games as a punishment to make sure Russia cleans up its act.

The diving pool turned a strange green colour, the Sailing and Windsurfing venue had heavy pollution in the water and the Zika virus was touted as being a massive threat to all who attended but was it all really that bad? Not for Britain, we came away with 27 golds and beat China into 2nd in the medal table so I mean it’s pretty equal in our eyes.

Ryan Lochte came away with slightly less than that though, losing his credibility and pretty much all of his sponsorships after he lied about being robbed at a petrol station. Shame on you Ryan. Shame on you.

\ Andy Murray also won Wimbledon again (and then cried again) \

Other sports had varying degrees of success. England football manager, Roy Hodgson, had to resign after a crippling loss to Iceland put them out of Euro 2016. His successor, Sam Allardyce, then lasted just 67 days, after a scandal over circumventing FA rules for cash. The undercover footage released by The Telegraph also shows ‘Big Sam’ drinking wine from a pint glass #TopLad. Andy Murray also won Wimbledon again and then cried again.

London life

Joy for party-goers as the Night Tube finally started, albeit only on the Central and Victoria lines so far. The Jubilee, Northern and Piccadilly lines are all touted to be coming “this autumn” but we were also promised the service back in the summer of 2015 so don’t hold your breath.

One place you won’t be able to stagger onto the tube from is Fabric, the Islington nightclub. After two drug-related deaths earlier this year, the club had its license revoked and London lost one of its iconic venues. A vendetta by the Police and housing developers or a vital move in the obviously winnable war on drugs? That’s for you to decide.

(More on these two stories on the following page.)

Also there’s a shiny new five pound note you can spend on your various nights out around the capital, made of a plastic polymer to make it waterproof.

As of going to press the exchange rate fluctuations mean could be worth enough to buy most of Andorra or could be worth literally nothing.

The Zeitgeist

In slightly worse (read as utterly devastating) news, The Great British Bakeoff has been bought by Channel 4 and will be moving from the BBC after this series.

\ Everyday people bake in a tent and are then critiqued by a pensioner and a sex icon (you decide who is who) \

For those of you not yet initiated into British pop culture, essentially we as a nation adore a TV show in which everyday people bake in a tent and are then critiqued by a pensioner and a sex icon (you decide who is who). Don’t judge us alright.

Hosts, Mel and Sue, became martyrs to the cause when they announced they wouldn’t be going with the show and Mary Berry soon followed suit. Paul Hollywood was the Judas of the group though, with the allure of Channel 4’s dough (pun intended) being all too much.

In even more bizarre news, remember the quiz show Eggheads? And remember CJ, one of the resident boffins? Well he’s facing extradition to The Netherlands over claims he killed a mugger in 1988. Where did these claims come I hear you ask, from his own biography.

According to the book he published last year, he was threatened at knife-point by a guy who he punched, disarmed and threw into a canal, Liam Neeson-esque. CJ’s admission in the book of “I fully suspect I killed him” probably wasn’t the best way to throw the police off the scent and probably wasn’t the smartest thing he’s ever done.

Apple also announced it’s new iPhone 7. New battery. New camera. Waterproof. No earphone jack. No word on the ability to stop you Yoyo-ing after you’ve had way too many to drink at ACC though, which is clearly the feature we’ve all been waiting for.

In conclusion...

All in all it’s been a rollercoaster of a summer, politics and international relations within the UK and EU have been shook to their very core and who knows what lies ahead.

With the different crisis (Brexit, Bake Off etc) the country is all a bit fragile. Aren’t we all after a breakup though?

The whirlwind of a year isn’t over yet either, with the US Presidential Election just over a month away and our own politics is far from calm. The bookies have dropped the odds to 2/1 on a 2017 UK General Election so hold onto your hats, it might just get wild.