This week on Game of Thrones

Another week, another load of dead characters. We start off where we left last time with Jon Snow wondering what the hell just happened after being stabbed in the heart, Melisandre wondering how on Earth she just did that and Davos trying to remember how he got involved in this storyline in the first place. Jon then puts some pants on to talk to the Night’s Watchmen and Wildlings that had gathered to see him. He doesn’t end up saying much and it’s not even 5 minutes back in the realm of the living before Tormund says he’s got a small dick. Jon seems to have a thing about getting insulted by gingers.

We then return to Sam and Gilly on their first family cruise together where she finds out they’re staying with his parents while Sam goes to college. Always an awkward situation meeting the boy’s family.

The most interesting scene of the episode was the flashback with Bran, this time back to Ned fighting Arthur Dayne at the Tower of Joy. It’s pretty obvious what this is leading up to but if anyone’s not caught it yet I won’t spoil. I’m definitely looking forward to this revelation though.

Dany’s not having the best time, turns out the Dothraki are about as keen on feminism as Redditors are, so they weren’t too happy with her roaming around, being a strong independent woman who don’t need no Khal. So they decide she’s either dead or going to stay in their retirement home forever.

Tyrion’s remains awkward as hell trying to fit in at Meereen with Dany’s advisors before Varys comes in to pick up the conversation with some juicy goss about the nearby cities plotting against them. Maybe something interesting will happen in Meereen after all!

Back to King’s Landing and Qyburn is giving orphaned kids sweeties so that they’ll talk to him. It’s actually one of the least creepy things about him in all honestly. Cersei and Jamie then storm down to his basement lair with their giant zombie friend to chat about Cersei’s oncoming trial by combat and how her being paraded naked down the streets has in no way mellowed her out. Incesty Team Rocket then marches up to the Small Council chambers before being told that no one wants to sit on their lunch table so they’re left alone again.

Li’l’ King Tommen then heads down to the prison to ask the High Sparrow (AKA Birdie Sanders) for his wifey and his mummy back. Sanders then sits the boy down to talk about why the gods think his wife’s a hoe and his mum’s a dickhead. Tommen seems fairly convinced by his arguments.

Back to Braavos and we find Arya playing a game of Lie and Get Slapped (essentially the Braavosi version of Jeremy Kyle). She gives away her personal information like she’s being audited by the Church of Scientology until sexy Yoda decides to give her vision back.

We then return to the North where Ramsay is struggling to fill Daddy’s boots. He’s attempting to keep a member of House Umber under control that’s repeatedly calling him a prick to his face. It looked like this guy’s head was about to roll before revealing he had Rickon Stark and Osha with him, two characters last seen in the season 3 finale. They are really stretching the viewer’s memories at this point, I mean come on! When we last saw them, Donald Trump was still funny! Nonetheless, this reveal does mean big things coming up for the North, we’re just not sure quite what yet.

We finish, back where we started, at the Wall where Jon is having a nice public execution to celebrate his rebirth. Sergeant Douchebag insists on getting a last few words in before he gets done in whereas everyone’s least favourite teenager Olly instead opts for just scowling at Jon like he just got sent to his room. After this short interlude, Jon drops the bomb of deciding to leave the Night’s Watch, apparently citing some of the fine print in the oath that says if you get murdered by a bunch of arseholes you can do whatever you like.

Overall, I’d say this was a pretty solid episode. The story really is going full speed ahead this year, possibly a results of the 7 season timeline. There’s still the odd bit of exposition dumping and clunky dialogue that tends to come with D&D writing an episode themselves, but it’s not bad enough to take away from the scale of the events. If I had one complaint it’s that this episode seems a little rushed, there’s not been much room for decent character development this season between all the big moments and the emotional impact of the show has been suffering because of it.

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