Back to Basics: Scones and Tea

If you had to pick one dish that represents Britain, what would it be? Mine would definitely be the traditional English afternoon tea. Probably the same as any typical Chinese girl.

Do not let the idea of afternoon tea scare you – this is going to be a casual affair, no extravagance, no posh British accents, no jaw-dropping bills. I promise.

The Muffin Man Tea Shop is situated down the quiet Wrights Lane, just around the corner from High Street Kensington underground station. Small, old-fashioned, dimly lit, with black and white photos on the walls, a counter with a Victoria sponge, shortbread and many other sweet delights. Imagine visiting your grandmother.

I always come here for the Devon Cream Tea. Two scones served with clotted cream, strawberry jam and a pot of tea of your choice. And yes, a delicate, white china teacup on a saucer. How much more British can one get?

Don’t expect the tea to be any different from your usual Tetley, or the jam to be superior to that 75p jar from Tesco. It is not about the tea, or the jam. It’s all about the scones.

Yes, the scones. You are about to taste the best scones in the whole of London.

At this stage I wouldn’t argue about whether the jam goes first, or the cream. It doesn’t matter. We can argue about etiquette or viscosity or aesthetics later. Just shut up, smother it with any ratio of cream to jam, and eat.

The scones are hot and toasted, with a slightly dry crunch on the edges yet retaining this wonderful moisture and softness inside. The hint of buttery flavours merges perfectly with the smooth clotted cream and jam.

In case you are still feeling a bit peckish, have a look at their equally British menu – Coronation chicken salad or a rarebit?

Scones and tea. The perfect occasion on a sunny afternoon to sit, relax, and of course, to feel perfectly British.

On a final note: clotted cream goes first.

The recipe - Scones with fresh butter, and quick “jam”

As Christy says – what could be more classically English than scones (tea, the queen and institutionalised pig-fucking didn’t make the cut)? Personally, I always associate scones with my slightly frazzled mother hurriedly making a batch of them – either for her stitch ‘n’ bitch (the so called “wimmins group”), book group or the unexpected arrival of a guest! Still, they were always delicious – and in our house, it was always real butter (a treat from the usual margarine) with jam, though clotted cream was occasionally proffered.

All three components – the hot, crisp scones, rich butter and sweet jam – are actually quite simple to make, and keep well. So, if you fancy making some on for a Sunday picnic in the park, don’t worry – they can all be made on the Saturday before, and kept. Take some rose cava, a comfy blanket, and a condom.

The scone recipe is my mother’s – and it’s a pretty traditional one, though some plebs insist that currants (or “raisins” – never sultanas) do not belong in scones. They are wrong.

If you haven’t had fresh butter before, this really is a huge treat – it’s so different from the highly processed cheap Lurpak that many of you might be familiar with. Make sure to buy real cream, and not Elmlea – it’s a cream substitute and will not work!

For the “jam”, don’t be as picky with fruit, as it will work well with anything from strawberries, raspberries and redcurrants, with the first two starting to come into season now. The appropriate term for it would really be a compote, as it won’t fully set.

Scones:

250g self-raising flour

1 rounded tsp baking powder

30g caster sugar

40g softened butter

75g currants

1 egg

100ml milk

Preheat the oven to 190°C fan.

Mix all the dry ingredients apart from the currants together, and chop in the butter. Crumble together with your hands – a food processor does this very quickly but is also a bugger to clean.

Add the currants, and mix in evenly. Whisk the egg with the milk, and incorporate into the mixture – you may need a touch more milk. The mixture should be quite dry.

Roll out the mixture to ~2cm thick, and use a water glass (or fluted ring cutter) to cut out scones. I do mine about 6cm across. Re-roll the scraps, and repeat – there’s always one dodgy looking one at the end.

Place on a floured baking tray, and place in the oven for 8-10 minutes until risen and golden brown.

Butter

300ml double cream

Flake salt

Pour the cream into a jar, and screw the lid on tight. Shake like crazy! It’s very good forearm exercise, though most of you should have no problem with that. After 5-10 minutes, you’ll see golden flakes appear that will eventually accumulate into a nice clump of butter.

Put into a sieve to drain briefly (the liquid is buttermilk, which can be used for baking) and then in the fridge to set. Once slightly firmer, sprinkle with the salt

Compote

250g soft fruit – whatever is in season, see above – with stems removed, sliced.

Squeeze of lemon juice

Sugar, to taste

Simply add the fruit and lemon juice to a pot and simmer gently on the stove until they break down. This shouldn’t take too long. Add sugar to taste, stirring to dissolve, and leave on the heat, stirring regularly, until it thickens a touch. Pour into a small, clean jar, and refrigerate.