Post freshers’ blues

So. Here we are once again, two weeks in a row. One more week and it will have become an unhealthy habit, like smoking, binge-watching Netflix, or reassuming the leadership of UKIP.

This week everything sucks. For starters we’ve all got freshers’ flu, passing it on like a joint at a house party (the joint getting slimier and stickier with every round), every food stall on campus is jam-packed during lunchtime, and Theresa May is still a thing.

Apparently the notorious article 50 is to be activated by March 2017. Don’t ask me what happens then. I’ve been dreaming of May kinda walking into the MI6 headquarters and two generals whipping out two keys from their pockets, slotting them in a large console which releases a latch that uncovers a button that May pushes, and the next thing I know I’m teleported back to Greece. At that point I usually wake up thinking “That wouldn’t be too bad actually”, but that’s not the point.

Most major companies in the UK by now have brought in immigration lawyers to advise their European staff, including Imperial. The advice is not exactly comforting and has generally been something along the lines of “Get citizenship and hide yo’ wives and kids.”

Meanwhile Imperial is finally launching a rent guarantor scheme, which on one hand is great (I know I had to live in some really dodgy places trying to avoid paying six months of London rent upfront), but who knows who will be around to enjoy it in the near future.

At least there weren’t any junior doctor strikes this week, so we can all still wait in line for days in the A&E, or weeks for an appointment with our GP! Thank you BMA!

But enough about that. Read on. There’s lots of culture this week, and for those of you who might have some regrets following your freshers’ shenanigans, a very practical, yet poetic STI guide (among other things).