What a week
What a week. Since last Friday, shit has hit the fan. Much like an evil mastermind in a superhero movie, Donald Trump has announced to the world his evil plan to fuck over the planet: quitting the Paris Agreement. The only differences are that he’s as thick (but slightly more orange) as mustard, and that the rest of the world has gone fuck you back and is now probably conspiring to send him to deep space, leaving behind only the faintest Cheeto-dust trail as proof that he ever existed.
Speaking of proof, Comey has started testifying, which is bound to be the best thing to hit the screens since OJ Simpson’s trial. The real question now is whether Trump gets impeached and flees the US first, or whether California beats him to it and goes rogue joining China.
Then on Saturday there were two terror attacks in London which left seven people dead, 48 people injured and thousands declaring themselves safe on facebook.
But no one probably remembers the attacks anymore anyway, because not only did they happen over the weekend when everyone was shit-faced, but we’ve also had to deal with the General Election, less than a week after the London Bridge and Borough Market incidents. (Also this is London and we don’t’ have time to care for other people. )
Meanwhile we have Theresa May going around making dirty confessionals, like that time she ran through a field of wheat. I mean, how can someone that dirty be trusted with the leadership of a country? And that’s coming from me.
The thing that really pisses me off about the General Election is that we need to get this paper to the printers by 11pm so there’s no way in hell we can provide any insightful commentary (as per usual). Unless we wing it. Which we did consider. A couple times. I’ve just had the term ‘hung parliament’ stuck in my head all week. Like how hung? Frankfurter hung? Beer can hung? Baseball bat hung?
Back to my editorial though: Don’t be too disappointed we’re not covering the Election results. Just take this opportunity to read about all the other depressing shit that’s happening in the world right now and unwind with one of out thickest editions in weeks.
