What is news?

In fact let’s go deeper. What is a newspaper? If it’s a publication propelled by the propagation of news to its readers, then let me tell you; you’re in for a treat because this is the newsiest, newspaper we’ve ever made. I’m obviously referring to the twelve page (centrefold included) sex survey pullout. I’m going to go out on a limb and say this is the biggest ever sex survey analysis this paper has ever seen (I could check but I’m not that good a journalist). What did you get last year? Four pages (probably, again I could check but I won’t)? Well this time you get more than double that. And this is technically all news because it’s the first time we’re sharing any of this data with anyone. You’re all welcome.

I’m keeping it short and sweet. Partially because all my editors are dead or dying under piles of books, notes, stationery, and candy-wrappers which means I’m running around the office like a headless chicken trying to make sure everything is ready.

Mostly because there’s only four more issues of felix left and I’m already sooooo over it.

I’m kidding! I love it! I love you! : | So yeah I’m out. Hopefully there won’t be quite as many typos in this edition. But obviously at this point nothing really matters. Enjoy the sex. Or reading about it.

Also happy birthday Clive.