Why Macedonia is relevant again
Grumpy Bastard turns his sights to the history of Macedonia. Yes, you heard right: Macedonia. Don’t ask, just enjoy it.
Macedonia as a country has a very proud and ancient history. Originally the home of the Mycenaean Greeks, after their demise, Philip of Macedon arose to kick the shit out of Athens and Sparta and then bequeathed his army to his son. Better known as Alexander the Great, he was then able to beat the living hell out of Darius of Persia. This was unfortunately over 2000 years ago, and Macedonia has quietly sat on the sidelines of history ever since. Now, of course, the time for Macedonia to make its triumphant return has arrived!
The reason for this return to glory is simple. Yes, Greece is now united and the sarissa is no longer a revolutionary invention capable of winning battles against any equivalent power. It is no longer the time for a group of noble companions to gallop across the plains of the Middle East and trample all in their path. For a country that isn’t allowed to use just Macedonia due to an ongoing dispute with the dead economic power of Greece, the Macedonians – or more accurately the residents of the former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia – have discovered a revolutionary new weapon and a new people to conquer. The weapon is of course fake news and the victims are gullible members of democracy’s everywhere.
“Fake news means true power now lies with Goran, the fake news editor in the city of Veles”
Yes, the Macedonians are now the world famous purveyors of articles designed to fool readers into believing a different reality that more closely conforms to their beliefs. Forget Black Mirror’s crazy technology and Kremlin stooges attempting to hack the American election, in today’s day and age it is important to remember where the true power in the world lies: with Goran the fake news editor in the small city of Veles. Want someone to believe in a paedophile ring centred around a pizza restaurant? Goran’s your man! As long as you’re prepared to pay good money, teenagers with an internet connection will happily write a reality that more closely resembles your beliefs that you can share with your easily manipulated and gullible friends and family.
It really is remarkable that a people trodden down so far after generations of a communist dictator’s rule have bounced back to truly understand what democracy is really all about: lying, but lying convincingly.
The thing I am possibly most impressed by is the fact that they really get what people want to believe down to a tee. I mean there are some great satirical news sites such as Southend News Network (Milos Yiannopoulos’ favourite) but I don’t feel they reach a wide enough audience to qualify as truly influential. Macedonia though, managed to make amazing things happen, such as getting people to believe that Donald Trump would make a good president or that banning people from Islamic countries would have a significant impact on terrorism. What a nation! Glorious, relevant Macedonia!
