Grumpy Bastard has crossed the line
In previous articles we laughed at his antics. Oh yes we laughed. Ha, ha, ha, we chortled in rapturous glee. But enough is enough.
Last week Grumpy Bastard decided to hate on something I love. As I scrolled through all those words of hatred, I came upon a sobering realisation about trendy haters: you love how they hate stuff for you while you just sit on the sidelines and watch the world burn. It’s both very convenient and rather entertaining. Until they cross the line. Until they cross the fucking line.
And no, this isn’t about a “seemingly important” topic like worker’s rights, authoritarian oppression or any of the other stupid topics Grumpy Bastard tends to hate on. This is something that’s actually important. This is about food. Grumpy bastard hates Huel, which means I now hate Grumpy Bastard. I don’t know how it came to this. What is to hate about Huel? How can you not love its soothing Vanilla texture, its unique, ever evolving flavour and those lovely lumps of undisolved powder that float seemlessly along your shake? What is the problem?
While I do understand that Grumpy Bastard feeds off the mean laughs of Royal Family haters and spicy internet comments from Macedonian nationalists, the rest of us actually need to eat. Ok, some people are pretty organised with their food. They cook healthy meals and can get all their nutrients efficiently while saving money. And yes, some other people can afford to have proper meals at QTR every day. But that is not all of us. When you’re an absolute mess in terms of food organising, Huel comes to save you. When you can’t afford Fusion every day, Huel’s £1.60 a meal comes to save you. When you’re trying to be a proper vegan but are just really shit at cooking, Huel comes to save you. When you’re too lazy to make sandwiches in the morning, Huel comes to save you.
I urge Grumpy Bastard to try it out for a couple of weeks. Have an open mind. You might get nasty farts during the first week, as has been reported by some users. But that’s just your body adjusting to the fact that you are now nutritionally complete! Whenever I have it for breakfast, my day tends to be a great day. My mood will be better thanks to all those vitamins rushing through my body. Huel fills you up and keeps you healthy. And who knows? Maybe if Grumpy Bastard converted to Huel, he wouldn’t be so grumpy anymore.
Disclosure: I am not advertising Huel. Being a mindless fanboy boy is just part of the experience.
