Cull this rampant enthusiasm

Welcome back to Imperial, I hope you’ve had a lovely summer and that you’re totally prepared for the year that lies ahead. However well prepared you think you are now, you definitely aren’t. There will come a time at some point this year when you experience that feeling as your brain exits through your arse. I hope you’re looking forward to it.

I was at the Fresher’s fair this week and I was unfortunate enough to witness a large amount of this enthusiasm first hand. The freshers were wandering between the stands with a look of bemusement as they shuffled in groups, clutching at the various brochures that people had forced upon them. The people that stood behind the stands either waited with hopeful expressions as no one went up to talk to them (I’m looking at you, sci-fi), fielded questions with a desperate approximation of interest stamped on their face. The number of people that came up to stands they were interested in just to brag about their past achievements was almost unfunny.

As I perused the stands for as much free shit as I could legitimately get my hands on, I wandered past Labour soc and their not-quite-anti-Semitic idol made cardboard. I’ve always wanted to draw a cock on Jeremy Corbyn, so thank you for that. One unfunny joke that I’ve heard the self-satisfied labour party members tittering to one another about is that they are now the most right-wing party at Imperial. I thought that Imperial was politically apathetic enough not to be infected by this Trot, Stalinist, anarchist bullshit, but as usual, my very low expectations of people are never quite low enough. I was going into the main entrance, and two clear nutjobs approached me, foaming at the mouth with socialist vigour, both crazily waving leaflets at me. I was able to pass by, whispering Peterson psalms 1:12 to protect my soul and escaped into the crush of freshers desperately making their way to the investment and business society stands. I really mean a crush as well, Metric had nothing on this.

In all honesty, I’m quite sad that the Tory party has disappeared now, as it means that even the semblance of meaningful political debate has now gone. I mean, it wasn’t as if the brain-dead fuckers ever really said or did anything in the public space, but clearly, enough people vote for them in the real world to at least exist at uni level. Please don’t leave us with the rabid enthusiasm of Imperial Left Forum as they bite anyone that claims that Stalin was a remotely genocidal maniac. It’s almost like we’ve successfully slain a political horcrux, but now that it’s dead, who is there to unite us in hatred? I guess I will just have to satisfy myself with watching the turd slinging between Left Forum and the Labour societies. Worst comes to worst, I’ll just have to become the only vocal right-winger at Imperial.