Imperial College Model United Nations in Cambridge
Cyber-attacks and condom attacks
Following the success of ICMUN’s five-man delegation in Oxford earlier in the year, we have sent a delegation almost twice that size to the Cambridge International Model United Nations conference, to once again act as representatives of different countries saving the world. To say that the weekend was full of surprises would be an understatement, and to say that the resolutions passed would at all reduce the chances of us dying in World War Three would be a blatant lie.
Our delegate in the Disarmament and International Security Committee was deeply shocked to witness Russia working alongside the USA to lead a unanimous condemnation of cyber-attacks. However, the future of humanity once again began to look grim when the session ended with the passing of a resolution encouraging global rearmament with lethal killer robots, despite Canada’s best efforts.
The Human Rights Council made leaps in dealing with the Rohingya refugee crisis, by some miracle managing to convince the delegation of Myanmar to give up their “not our territory, not our problem” attitude. Yet, things escalated when delegates began throwing condoms at the Chairs as the committee moved on to the topic of access to contraceptives.
The debate in the Economic and Financial Committee was equally heated, with the room politics being “straight out of the House of Cards” as terrorist financing was discussed (in addition to the precise nature of the two Chairs’ relationship). A different, slightly higher-profile relationship under scrutiny was President Macron’s “unconventional love story”, as the delegate of France got lightly roasted in the UN Women committee and the room was split in three by the discussion of the #MeToo movement.
On the brighter side, a number of resolutions that might postpone our certain doom were passed unanimously, including COP24’s monster 40-clause resolution on combating marine pollution and UN Women’s master plan for protecting women in conflict zones.
In addition, the vast majority of delegates in the UN Development Programme voted in favour of a resolution fighting corruption in development projects, with an interesting anti-corruption alliance forming between Ukraine, Burkina Faso and Turkey. Our delegate in the World Health Organisation witnessed the entire room (with the exception of DPRK) working together to eliminate medical black markets and safeguard electronic health records.The ICMUN delegate in the Historical Crisis was relieved to see the prevention of World War Two, as Germany sold off its colonies over the course of the 1919 Paris Peace Conference and emerged as the richest country in the world following World War One.
Ultimately, ICMUN has fulfilled its sacred mission of proving that scientists can indeed do politics and contribute to the demolition of the world just as well as the humanities squad, having tons of fun in the process.
