Horoscopes

Horoscopes 03/06/2021

NegaFelix

3 Jun 2021 — 1 min read

Well well well, what do the stars have in store for us this week?

ARIES: This week its revealed covid spread so rapidly in china after a typo urged citizens to sneeze the means of production.

TAURUS: This week you make a 5 minute hack video baklava out of printer paper and maple syrup.

GEMINI: This week Thanos snaps his fingers in a zee formation.

CANCER: This week your mental break turns into a 2 month, unpaid mental leave of absence.

LEO: This week you take off your lucky pants and put on your sex gilet.

VIRGO: This week you pay your landlord in stock options in your startup.

LIBRA: This week you learn shorthand after a tragic industrial accident.

SCORPIO: This week your cat gets an emotional support rat.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you illustrate a point by spilling two cups of coffee and a bowl of chilli con carne.

CAPRICORN: This week sales of high altitude self propelled missiles skyrocket and sales of very deep natural rocky holes plummet and sales of Spanish plates with camp English accents plateau.

AQUARIUS: This week the ghosts of deadlines past, present, and future show you how you will get a 2:2.

PISCES: This week you finish your dissertation just in time for your supervisor to call you an idiot.

From Issue 1774

3rd June 2021

Discover stories from this section and more in the list of contents

Explore the edition

More from this issue

Sport

Champions of Europe again

This week, I was thinking “what has recently happened in sports that we could write about?”. Now, unless you live in a sound proof area of London (highly likely that even that wouldn’t work), the main sporting event that has recently happened was the Champions League Final, where on

Culture

Public Domain

Public Domain ★ * What: Theatre * Where: Vaudeville Theatre * When: 27th May - 30th May 2021 * Cost: £10 Public domain markets itself as a “dark, funny, verbatim musical about the internet”. It aims to capture rare and chaotic nature of the internet as experienced by teenagers and millennials through the medium of

Show dance partners and real life couple - Giada Lini and Graziano Di Prima.

Culture

Hottest Dance Show returns to London’s West End

Strictly on Stage ★★★ * What: Theatre * Where: The London Paladium * When: 25th May - 9th June 2021 * Cost: £18 - £73 Since airing back in 2004 on BBC One, Strictly Come Dancing has seen numerous celebrities’ partner with world-class dancers to battle out the best in Latin and ballroom dances. This

Culture

A Shot in the Harm

Harm ★★★ * What: Theatre * Where: Bush Theatre * When: Until 26th June 2021 * Cost: £10 for students We have all had a long year. As summer begins to emerge from what has felt like a far too extended winter, it was with excitement and, if I’m honest, a little reluctance that