Horoscopes 03/06/2021

NegaFelix

3 Jun 2021 — 1 min read

Well well well, what do the stars have in store for us this week?

ARIES: This week its revealed covid spread so rapidly in china after a typo urged citizens to sneeze the means of production.

TAURUS: This week you make a 5 minute hack video baklava out of printer paper and maple syrup.

GEMINI: This week Thanos snaps his fingers in a zee formation.

CANCER: This week your mental break turns into a 2 month, unpaid mental leave of absence.

LEO: This week you take off your lucky pants and put on your sex gilet.

VIRGO: This week you pay your landlord in stock options in your startup.

LIBRA: This week you learn shorthand after a tragic industrial accident.

SCORPIO: This week your cat gets an emotional support rat.

SAGITTARIUS: This week you illustrate a point by spilling two cups of coffee and a bowl of chilli con carne.

CAPRICORN: This week sales of high altitude self propelled missiles skyrocket and sales of very deep natural rocky holes plummet and sales of Spanish plates with camp English accents plateau.

AQUARIUS: This week the ghosts of deadlines past, present, and future show you how you will get a 2:2.

PISCES: This week you finish your dissertation just in time for your supervisor to call you an idiot.

From Issue 1774

1st Oct 2021

Discover stories from this section and more in the list of contents

Explore the edition

Horroscopes 28/05

Your weekly update on the positions of the stars

Horoscopes 12/02/2021

This week's astrological predictions

Horoscopes 29/01/2021

M. Meg, the NegaFelix mystic consultant provides you with the week's fortunes

Horoscopes 06/11/2020

What up stars!!! Give us the deets on what's in store this week. Aries: This week your selfesteem takes a further blow when you realise that your Tyler Durden is just your weird housemate. Taurus: This week seems as good a week as any to get into the

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