Horoscopes 21/05
Our Felix exclusive horoscope
Our astrology correspondent M.Meg has good luck on the cards for you.
Aries
This week you trade two common senses for one blue eyes white sense
Taurus
This week choke me Daddy is added to the executioner conversation blacklist
Gemini
This week Elon Musk reveals plans for a robot suit powered by kryptonite
Cancer
This week hundreds of people confess they remember it being spelt ‘The Mandela Affect’
Leo
This week you earn a slap after asking your girlfriend to “Gaza strip”
Virgo
This week I’d like to thank my manager, my agent, and the spider on the shower wall that watches me masturbate
Libra
This week a callous remark will ruin an otherwise eloquent eulogy
Scorpio
This week you get your Willy caught in your zipper
Sagittarius
This week you go on Tinder looking for a short stocky piece of wood to start a fire with.
Capricorn
This week you face the biggest question of 2021 so far.
-
Huel
or
nutritional yeast?
Aquarius
This week the bracelet you like finally comes back into stock on the IDF’s Etsy store
Pisces
This week the email finds you cowering, cold and naked on the floor