Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas

Freshers’ Week is a social marathon disguised as a party. Seven days of smiling, shouting over music, and answering questions about what you study until the words lose their meaning. You’re thrown into a whirlpool of faces, each conversation a potential friendship, or just as easily, another forgettable exchange. 

Somewhere between club queues and campus tours, I started to wonder whether all this frantic socialising was really about finding friends, or simply avoiding being alone. Everyone says, “Find your people,” as if your ideal companions are out there waiting, neatly packaged with the same hobbies and Spotify playlists. But that’s too easy. The truth is, you don’t always know who your people are until you’ve met the wrong ones. 

I’ve moved so often I’ve never lived in the same city for more than five years. I’ve learned to read a room quickly, to pick up the tone of a new setting - the subtle hierarchies, the kinds of jokes that land. I’ve also learned the quiet art of saying goodbye. I once broke up with my best friend of seven years, not because of a fight, but because our lives drifted apart until holding on began to hurt more than letting go. 

Maybe that’s why I no longer think there are “good” or “bad” kinds of friends. It depends on where you are in life, and who you are trying to become. Some people fit the current version of you; others pull you toward the person you might be in a few years’ time. It’s less about their traits and more about your trajectory – the direction you have set for yourself. 

That’s where the old saying comes in: “Lie down with dogs, wake up with fleas.” I used to think it was a moral warning to stay away from “bad influences.” But lately, it feels more like a reminder that who you spend time with inevitably rubs off on you. Not everyone you meet in Freshers’ Week will be good for you, and that is fine. You learn about yourself just as much from uncomfortable dynamics as you do from easy ones. 

Friendship at university is not about hunting for people who look and sound like you. It is about experimenting with who you might become around different kinds of people. Some will make you louder, braver, or more open. Others might drain or distort you in ways that take time to notice. Compatibility isn’t fixed; it’s fluid. Who I am right now – tired, excited, slightly homesick – won’t be who I am two weeks or six months from now. My friends will evolve, too. 

So maybe it is not about finding a perfect circle of friends, but about learning the art of choosing and re-choosing the people who make you grow. To be honest, I don’t think anyone gets it right on the first try. Freshers’ Week teaches you how to meet people; the rest of university teaches you how to keep the right ones,
and sometimes, how to let go of the rest without guilt.